“Good Luck Charlie” Episode1

DISE Original Air Date: 04/04/10

Teddy>. Hi, Charlie, there you are. Nine months old and look how cute you are. Yeah.

Charlie >. [chattering]

Teddy >>. And look how cute I am. It’s your big sister Teddy here, and I’m making this video diary to help you survive our… special family. Oh, hey. Looks like Dad taught you how to eat bananas. Oh-oh! oh, and there’s Mom, looking lovelier than ever this morning.

Mom>>. Not in the mood. Okay. I think you’ve had enough bananas. So we’re switching to sweet peas! You’re gonna love ‘em. Look, Mommy thinks they’re so yummy. Mmm!

Te>>. Very smart. Always make Mommy try it first, okay? Oh, and there’s your older brother PJ doing today’s homework at the last minute as usual.

PJ>>. It’s not today’s homework. This is yesterday’s homework.

Te>>. There’s a chance you two will be in high school together. Oh, and there’s Dad preparing for another day’s work. He kills bugs for a living.

Dad>>. Honey, come on. We’ve been through this. I don’t kill bugs. I’m a pest control specialist.

Te>>. Either way… [hacks] So now you’ve met the whole family.

Gabe>>. Forgetting somebody?

Te>>. Gabe! No no no. I didn’t forget about you. I was just saving the best for last. Charlie, that was your younger older brother Gabe. You want to say something to Charlie?

Gabe>>. You ruined my life.

Te>>. Okay, so it’s taking Gabe a little bit longer to get used to you. You were kind of a surprise.

Gabe>>. I thought surprises were supposed to be good.

Te>>. And… cut.



Mom>>. Okay, gang, listen up. I’m going back to work tonight at the hospital for the first time since Charlie was born, so I want everyone to stay at home and help Dad with the baby.

Te>>. Wait… no, mom. I’m not gonna be here tonight I have a study date at the library.

Mom>>. [groans]

PJ>>. Don’t you mean “studly” date with Spencer? [mimics kissing]

Te>>. Oh, save it for your pillow.

Mom>>. I’m sorry, Teddy, but you’re just gonna have to reschedule.

Te>>. But, dad…

Mom>>. Bob!

Dad>>. Uh, dad’s not available right now.

Te>>. Mom, don’t take this the wrong way, but why did you guys have to have another baby?

Mom>>. Well, because three kids was just too easy. Three’s for quitters. [chuckles]

Dad>>. And Teddy, you know better than to schedule a study date with a boy I’ve never met. Come on. As dad, it’s my responsibility to know every detail of my kids’ lives.

Gabe>>. Oh yeah? What school do I go to?

Dad>>. Um… the one named after that president. Hey, you know what? I’ve got to drive you kids to school.

Te>>. Let’s go.

Gabe>>. Wait, I haven’t had breakfast yet.

Dad>>. Come on, let’s go.

Gabe>>. Most important meal of the day… never got it.

Dad>>. Let’s go! I’ve gotta get you to… Roosevelt?

Gabe>>. Lincoln.

Dad>>. Got it.

……………………………….

[rock music playing] ♪　day’s all burnt toast ♪ running late, and dad says ♪ has anybody seen my left shoe? ♪ I close my eyes, take a bite ♪ grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪ there it is up on the roof ♪ I’ve been there, I’ve survived ♪ so just take my advice ♪ hang in there, baby, things are crazy but I know your future’s bright ♪ hang in there, baby ♪ there’s no maybe everything turns out all right your life is up and down ♪ But trust me, it comes back around ♪ you’re gonna love who you turn out to be ♪ hang in there, baby ♪

……………………………….

Mom>>. Bob honey, I’m leaving for work! Okay, honey, here’s Charlie’s schedule. It tells you when to feed her, when to change her and when to put her down.

Dad>>. Sweetheart, would you relax? Big daddy’s got this all under control.

Mom>>. Okay, just because that’s on your barbecue apron doesn’t make it true. Now if Charlie gets fussy, her rubber ducky will calm her down. They’re all over the place. Please be careful.

They’re all over the place.

Dad>>. Honey… you seem to forget I was fully involved in the raising of three kids.

Gabe>>. Oh, yeah? When’s my birthday?

Dad>>. July 12th.

Gabe>>. November 23rd.

Dad>>. Got it.

Mom>>. [gasps] Good luck, Charlie.

Cha>>. [cooing]

Mom>>. Mwah! Bye.

Dad>>. [chuckles] Bye.

Cha>>. [chattering]

[door closes]

Gabe>>. Hey, dad?

Dad>>. Yeah?

Gabe>>.I have a homework question.

Dad>>. Okay, fire away(=go ahead).

Gabe>>. Can the average human lick his own armpit?

Dad>>. Un… [muttering] Yeah!

Gabe>>. Thanks.

Dad>>. So what was that, like a science question?

Gabe>>. Nope.

…………………………..

[doorbell rings]

Te>>. I’ll get it. I’ll get it. I’ll get it. Nobody else get it! Hi!

Sp>>.Hi.

Dad>>. Hi! I’m Teddy’ s dad.

Sp>>. Nice to meet you, sir.

Te>>. Uh, Spencer and I are studying for our biology test tomorrow.

Dad>>. Are you, now?

Te>>. Yes. Yes, we are, so can everyone please leave? Not you.

Dad>>. Teddy?

Te>>. Yeah?

Dad>>. I thought your mom said no study date.

Te>>. Yeah, at the library.

Dad>>. Oh, right. Okay, so then you’ve talked to her about this?

Te>>. Of course I did. I mean, I’m…I’m pretty sure I did. It’s just I talk to so many different people about so many different things.

Sp>>. Why is there a giant bug in your house?

Dad>>. That, my friend, is the Jerusalem Cricket, better known to the layman as the potato bug. I’m an exterminator.

Te>>. Here we go.

Dad>. Hey, have you seen my ad on local cable… “Bob’s bugs be gone”?

Te>>. Yeah, how do we make Bob be gone?

Dad>>. Okay. You’ve got homework to do. I’ve got a diaper to change. Hers… not mine. [chuckles] I ain’t that old! [laughing] I’m gonna be upstairs.

Te>>. Gabe…out.

Gabe>>. Okay, fine. But when’s that hot guy getting here?

Te>>. Out! Kids!

Sp>>. Yeah. Oh man, I left my book at school.

Te>>. Oh, that’s okay, we can just share mine. [giggles] Is that okay?

Sp>>. Perfect.

Te>>. Good, ‘cause I’m all about the learnin’,

Sp>>. Let me just grab a pencil.

Te>>. Oh yeah, I might have one.

Sp>>. [squirts]

Te>>. [sighs] I think I left my pencils at school.

Sp>>. Me too. [blows]

Te>>. [giggles]

PJ over amplifier>>. Ladies and gentlemen! PJ and the Vibe! [dissonant rock music blaring]

Sp>>. Wow, sounds like you live right next door to that weird P.J. kid.

Te>>. Hmm. Yeah. He’s not next door. He’s downstairs… and he’s my brother.

Sp>>. Oh! oh, I’m…I’m sorry.

Te>>. Yeah, me too.

……………………………..

PJ>>. Wait wait wait! Stop stop! Emmett, you were supposed to open with the downbeat.

Dude, I’m percussion, let me “Percush”!

Te>>. For crying out loud, guys!

Emm>>.What’s up?

Te>>. Can you please turn it down? We’re trying to study.

PJ>>. No can do, sis. There’s only one level in Rock’n’ Roll. And that is loud!

[guitar blaring]

Emm>>.Whoa whoa whoa whoa. I think we can accommodate your little sister.

PJ>>. Excuse me. But the band is called P.J. and the Vibe.

Emm>>.So what, the Vibe doesn’t get a say? I…I’m the Vibe. [chuckles]

Te>>. Yeah, I got that.

Emm>>.Oh, so you got my vibe, huh? I’m gonna be over here.

Te>>. Turn it down now.

PJ>>. You will not censor my art. I will not be silent! [dissonant electric guitar blaring]

Te>>. [music stop ]

PJ>>. Hey!

Te>>. If I have come down here again, this gets plugged in somewhere else. Okay?

Emm>>. [snickering] Yo, who’s she up there studying with anyway? Is there a second fine lady in the houses?

PJ>>. Some guy she’s totally into.

Emm>>.I can’t believe she’s cheating on me.

PJ>>. She’s not cheating on you. She barely knows you exist.

Emm>>.No, see, our relationship is just developing slowly.

PJ>>. No, there is no relationship.

Emm>>.Yes, there is.

PJ>>. No, it’s all in your head!

Emm>>.No, it’s not, ‘cause even my mom knows about it.

……………………………….

Te>>. Now, then, where were we? [clears throat] You know, actually, I think you were a little bit closer. All right… cellular respiration.

Sp>>. [yawns] Do you mind?

Te>>. Not at all. While we’re at it…

[ toy squeaks] [R&B music playing]

Gabe>>. What are you doing?

Te>>. Oh! Gabe! What do you want?

Gabe>>. Dinner! Nobody’s fed me all day! And I am still part of this family, right?

Te>>. There’s a half-eaten sandwich in the fridge. Knock yourself out. All right. Now my brothers are all taken care of.

Sp>>. Good.

Te>>. And there will be no more interruptions.

Dad>>. Teddy!

Te>>. Oh, god! What do you want?!

Dad>>. I need you to watch the baby for a sec! Whoa-ho-ho!

Cha>>. [coos]

Te>>. Noooooo!

Sp>>. Noooooo!

Dad>>. Ow! [grunting]

Gabe>>. Mmm!

Dad>>. [sighs] Nobody tells mom!

Te>>. Come here, Charlie.

Cha>>. [chattering]

Te>>. Oh, yes, Charlie’s fine.

Dad>>. Ooh! But I’m not. Uh, Teddy, tell P.J. to fire up the bug truck, I think I gotta go to the hospital. Oh, and Teddy, you’re gonna have to watch the baby.

Te>>. Noooookay!

……………………………..

PJ>>. Relax, we’ll be at the hospital in 10 minutes.

Dad>>. Okay, just please please hurry. Oh, wow! My butt is on fire!

PJ>>. That is so weird! Last week, Emmett and I wrote a song with that exact same title.

Dad>>. That’s great, son. Just please don’t sing…

PJ>>. ♪my butt is on fire!♪

Dad>>. Stop it.

PJ>>. ♪it’s the size of a tire!♪

Dad>>. Stop it.

PJ>>. Punch buggy!

Dad>>. Ow! What are you doing?! Could you drive, please?!

PJ>>. Hey, you want to play license plate game?

Dad>>. No!

PJ>>. Michigan.

………………………….

Te>>. [murmuring baby talk]

Sp>>. Maybe I should go.

Te>>. No! um, she’s almost done with bottle and then she’ll go right to sleep. Then we can studly…I mean study. Now, uh, where were we?

Sp>>. Okay.

Cha>>. [chattering]

Te>>. Yeah.

Sp>>. What is cellular respiration?

Te>>. That’s when glucose and other compounds oxidize to produce chemical energy, water and carbon dioxide.

Sp>>. Mm-mmm.

Cha>>. [passes gas] [chatters]

Te>>. Also known as poop.

………………………………….

Dad>>. Oh, boy.

PJ>>. Hang in there, dad.

Dad>>. Wow! Wow! Wow! Butt fire spreading. Where’s the doctor?

PJ>>. I’ll go see.

Dad>>. Okay, wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. We don’t want mom to know we’re here, right? So please be careful. Just try and blend in.

PJ>>. [snickers] Dad, come on. It’s hard for this to blend in.

Dad>>. Just figure something out.

PJ>>. “ figure something out.” “ figure something out.” Aha! Mom!

A boy>>. You’re the doctor?

PJ>>. Yes. I am. I am doctor… shh..Chandrasooleewan.

A boy>>. Are you Indian?

PJ>>. We prefer to be called native American.

A boy>>. Are you sure you’re a real doctor? You look kinda young.

PJ>>. [laughs] You sound like my wife. Okay, uh…what seems to be the problem?

A boy>>. I have a fish hook in my lip!

PJ>>. How’d this happen?

A boy>>. My dad is not a very good fisherman.

PJ>>. Hey, mine’s not a very good walking-down-the-stairs man. So…I’m guessing you’re a 97-pounder.

…………………………………

Te>>. ♪ hush, little baby go beddy-bye ♪Teddy wants to kiss a really cute guy. ♪

Sp>>. How’s it going?

Te>>. Well, we’re getting there. [chuckles] [humming]

Emm>>.Well well well. What have we here?

Te>>. Emmett, why are you still here?

Emm>>.Well, I was looking for the kitchen, but I seem to have stumbled upon the

ballroom.

[phone ringing]

Te>>. Hello?

Mrs.Dab>>. Teddy, it’s Mrs. Dabney from next door.

Te>>. No, I have not seen your cat. !

Mrs.Dab>>. I’m calling about your brother; he’s eating me out of house and home. Gabe! Step away from the pie!

Te>>. Okay, I’ll be right there. All right. Spencer, I’ll be back in like two minutes. Don’t go anywhere. Emmett, go somewhere.

Emm>>. So what do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?

Sp>>. She’s not your girlfriend.

Emm>>. Okay, maybe me and you need to step outside… So you can walk me to my bike.

………………………………

PJ>>. [sighs]

A guy>>. You here to give me my sponge bath?

Mom>>. P.J.?

PJ>>. Hey, mom.

Mom>>. What are you doing here?

PJ>>. I’ll tell you what I’m not doing here… giving sponge baths to big hairy guys. So, mom. What’s… the happs? What’s…

Dad>>. Hey, honey!

Mom>>. Bob!

Dad>>. Nice work, son.

Mom>>. Okay, what’s going on here?

PJ>>. Dad fell down the stairs and broke his butt.

Mom>>. You weren’t holding the baby, were you ?

Dad>>. Um, yes… then no, then yes again.

Mom>>. Bob, you promised me you weren’t gonna drop this one!

Dad>>. Honey, look, it was just a little accident. Oh, and by the way, for the record… an amazing catch!

Mom>>. I knew this was a huge mistake. I never should’ve gone back to work.

Dad>>. Sweetheart, sweetheart, this is all gonna be okay.

Mom>>. No. no, it’s not. It’s too hard. I can’t do this. I mean, what made me think I could go back to work full time and take care of four kids? [crying] I’m a terrible mother.

Dad>>. No no, you’re not. Look, if anything, I’m a horrible father.

Mom>>. I know!

PJ>>. Would you guys chill? You’re great parents. Teddy, Gabe and me turned out pretty good.

Dad>>. Yeah, come on. We’ve got go be doing something right. I mean, hey, look at this… our son’s a doctor.

Mom>>. I’m serious. With both of us working, poor little Charlie doesn’t stand a chance.

PJ>>. Come on, no one’s going solo on this. All us kids are gonna help out. And if Charlie gets a little messed up along the way, we can all share the blame.

Nurse over P.A.>>. Dr. Chandrassoleewan to the operating room.

PJ>>. It never ends!

………………………….

Cha>>. [Coos]

Mrs.Dab>>. Gabe! [snaps]

Te>>. Sorry about that, Mrs. Dabney, but you probably shouldn’t have let him in.

Mrs.Dab>>. I didn’t let him in. he crawled through the cat door.

Te>>. Gabe, is there something you want to say to Mrs. Dabney?

Gabe>>. Yeah. What are you fixing tomorrow night?

Mrs.Dab>>. The cat door. Gonna make sure it’s locked.

Te>>. Okay. I think we’re done here. Good night.

Mrs.Dab>>. It is now.

Te>>. All right, let’s go. What are you doing?

Gabe>>. Oh, so now you’re suddenly interested in me?

Te>>. Gabe, you’re my little brother. I’ve never been interested in you. I’m kidding. What’s going on?

Gabe>>. Ever since the baby arrived, everyone’s been ignoring me.

Cha>>. [coos]

Gabe>>. I felt like I’m invisible. I’m just loser middle kid… like you.

Te>>. Just because I’m a middle kid doesn’t make me a loser.

Gabe>>. Then what does make you a loser?

Cha>>. [giggles]

Te>>. I’m not a loser. Okay? And I was a baby once. And then you came along. And I was not happy about it. But then you peed on P.J. and I thought, “Hey, give the kid a shot.” Look, someday you’re gonna feel the same way about Charlie that I feel about you.

Gabe>>. Well, how do you feel about me?

Te>>. Let’s put it this way… the hottest guy in school is at our house right now, and I’m here with you. look how cute she is.

Gabe>>. [laughing] I am warming up to her already!

……………………………

Te>>. Okay, Charlie’s asleep, Gabe’s playing a video game and we are finally alone.

Dad>>. Hey, everybody! I have a bruised coccyx. [laughs] Oh, come on! That’s a funny word. Coccyx! [laughing]

PJ>>. The doctor gave him pain medication.

[car horn beeps]

Dad>>. Whoa!

Sp>>. Was that me?

Dad>>. Sorry. I’m a little numb down there.

Sp>>. Uh, actually, that’s my ride.

Te>>. Of course it is.

Dad>>. It’s good to meet you, son. Oh, good night, sweetheart.

Sp>>. Good night, sir.

Te>>. Hmm.

[car horn blares]

Sp>>. Good night.

Te>>. Good night.

Dad>>. Coccyx!

……………………………

Te>>. So that’s how dad got my first kiss and how you flew for the first time. But the good news is… nah, there is no good news.

[phone chimes]

Te>>. I take that back! It’s a text from Spencer! He wants to hang out with me tomorrow night… at his house! [giggling] Oh! I’ve gotta go wash your puke out of my jacket. Oh, and, uh, one more thing… when you’re my age and you meet a cute boy, do not, under any circumstances, never ever bring him home. ‘cause if you do, well… [snickers] good luck, Charlie.

………………………………

A guy>>. [moaning] Oh, that’s wonderful. Thank you so much for doing this.

PJ>>. Hey, if I can’t be there for my patients. What kind of pretend doctor am I? So, uh, so you ever think about shaving… like, everywhere?

A guy>>. I did… last week.

PJ>>. Oh.

abcニュースシャワー"欧州で航空便の運航が再開"

04/20/10 欧州で航空便の運航が再開

Today, they were
up in the air again.
The German carrier Lufthansa
restarted long-haul flights.
Early tomorrow morning,
Europe will be divided into
three zones: open skies,
a so-called caution zone where
some flights will be permitted
and a much smaller no-fly zone
than we've seen in recent days.

From tomorrow morning on,
we should see progressively more
planes start to fly.

Tomorrow, Air France will operate
long-haul flights as normal
to the US and other destinations.
Nearly 150,000 French citizens
are currently stranded overseas.
But the volcano
might yet alter plans.
Tonight, British authorities
reported that
eruptions are strengthening.


ドイツの航空会社が今日
長距離便の 運航を再開した。

明朝 欧州の空は
3種類に分けられる
制限がない区域、
一部の航空、 機が飛べる区域。

そして かなり縮小された
飛行禁止区域。

明日の朝以降 徐々に
運航する便 が増えていくでしょう。

フランスの航空会社も
明日から長 距離便を通常運航。

帰国できていないフランス人は
15万人近い。
だが火山は気まぐれだ。

噴火が強まったとの報告もある。

abcニュースシャワー" アイスランドの火山活動"

04/19/10 アイスランドの火山活動

Only a day earlier,
we drove through zero visibility
down this same road
under heavy falling ash.
Today, the skies are clear,
but the ash which has been
pumping out of the volcano
at an astonishing
750 tons per second
is everywhere.
Rain has turned it into
a thick cement-like paste
that covers everything.
But, will it get worse?
If anyone has the answer,
it's this man:
he is an Icelandic geophysicist,
who spoke with us
after meeting with
some of the nation's top leaders.

How long will this last?
It's very difficult to tell.
I would be surprised
if it kept on at the same level
one week from now,
but easily for the next few days.


昨日 この道路を通ったときは
火山灰で視界ゼロだった。

今日は晴 れているが―
毎秒750トンの勢いで噴出した
大量の火山灰がいたる所に積もる。

火 山灰は雨でセメント状になり
あらゆる物を覆った。

状況を予測できる人が
いるとすれば―
こ のアイスランドの
地球物理学者だろう。

“い つまで続く”と
断言はできませんが―
現状が1週間も続くことは
ないでしょう。
数日なら十分ありえます。

"You Raise Me Up"- Celtic Woman, Lyrics

When I am down and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

You raise me up to more than I can be

[The Penguins of Madagascar ]Episode3 ” Haunted Habitat”

Episode3 ” Haunted Habitat”

[skittering music] ♪♪

Chimps>. [snoring]

Mau>. [snoring]

Sk>. And rollover. On my mark, now.

[woman screams]

Sk>. Code red.

Ko>. Hiyah!

Ri>. Hen-heh.

Pr>. Hoo-hoo!

[adventurous music] ♪♪

Together>. Hiyah!

Mar>. What?

Sk>. Kowalski, analysis.

Ko>. Subject: Marline. Species: otter. Sound…

Ri>. [screams]

Mar>. Okay, I can explain the scream.

Sk>. Private, what do you make of the victim’s scream?

Pr>. I don’t know, Skipper. Perhaps she had a fright.

Sk>. Interesting theory, but how can we prove it?

Pr>. Darling, did you have a fright, then?

Mar>. Uh, Yes, but I’m fine now, so you guys can go back to sleep. Night-night.

Sk>. We can’t just leave a helpless victim in her time of need.

Mar>. Who’s a helpless victim?

Ju>>. What is all he commotion? I was having a dream where I’m he last mammal on earth.

Mo>>. Was I in it?

Ju>>. Yes, but you were roadkill.

Mo>>. But I was in it!

Sk>>. Otter hysteria. Marlene probably saw her own shadow.

Ko>>. Mm-hmm-hm=hmm.

Ju>>. Six more weeks of winter, everyone!

Mar>>. A weird noise woke me up. Okay? That’s all. I am not a hysterical, helpless victim. And we don’t need to turn this into some kind of commando operation.

Sk>>. Private, recon. Kowalski, perimeter check.

Ko>>. Scanning for weird noises, Skipper. Wait, I’m getting something.

Ri>>. [belches]

Ko>>. Woo..

Pr>>. Perhaps it was just a bad dream?

Mar>>. No. no, this was real, and real loud. It was like, like, a ghostly moan.

Mo>>. Oh, no. What it… what if… what if it was a ghost?

Ko>>. Then you can touch the ghost’s feet.

Ko>>. Rumor has it that the previous occupant of this habitat did disappear.

Pr>>. Under mysterious circumstances.

Mar>>.Ugh, he was transferred to Toledo.

Mo>>. Toledo!

Sk>>. Ohio.

Mo>>. Waaaauugh! Oh!

Ju>>. As king, it is in my power to command any and all spooky spirits to get the heck out. Do it, Maurice.

Mau>>. Okay. How.

Ju>>. Oh, Maurice, what am I going… fine. This will require a tremendous amount of dancing skill. Look out.

Mau>>. Give him some room, folks. Trust me.

Mo>>. Oh!

[percussive, tribal music]

Ju>>. ♪ oh, spirits of the night ♪ who may or may not bite ♪ you bring the otter fright ♪ you bring the otter fright ♪ though you are out of sight ♪ go away, go way ♪

Mau>>. ♪ go way away ♪

Ju>>. ♪ I say don’t stay♪ I say don’t say ♪

Mau>>. ♪ go way, go way ♪

Ju>>. ♪ go way away ♪

Ju>>. ♪ I say don’t stay ♪

Mau>>. ♪ I say don’t stay ♪

Ju>>. ♪ go way, go way ♪

Mau>>. ♪ go way away ♪

Ju>>. ♪ I say don’t stay ♪

Mau>>. ♪ I say don’t stay ♪

Ju>>. ♪ go way, go way ♪

Sk>>. Come on, men. Let’s leave this to the tiny dancer and get us some shut-eye.

Ju>>. My ghost Mojo is working. Can you feel it?

…………………………………….

Pr>>. Do you suppose Julien’s singing really scared away the ghost? Skipper?

Sk>>. Sempre alerta, Private.

[woman screams]

Sk>. Our turn, boys. Commence operation our turn.

……………………………………

[adventurous music]

Sk>>. Talk to me, Kowalski.

Ko>>. These readings are off the charts.

Sk>>. Well, get bigger charts. Take it out of petty cash.

Mar>>. Do you ever knock, or…

Ko>>. Such pleasantries would only slow us down.

Pr>>. We do pride ourselves on our rapid response.

Mar>>. Okay, yes, I heard the ghost again. Yes, I screamed again. No, I don’t need you guys on guard duty.

Ju>>. Obviously, this is a new ghost, since the old ghost was just eliminated by me, your king.

Sk>> your little song and dance did bubkes.

Ju>>. Oh, and what did you do? Double bubkes. So shut up.

Sk>>. Rico.

Ri>>. Fwat!

Sk>>. I meant see them out. It’s penguin time.

Ri>>. Oh.

Ju>>. Fine, have at it. You will come back begging, and I will say, “maybe I help, but maybe not.”

Sk>>. Skipper’s log, 0200 hours. All is quit. Little too quiet. The temptation of warm, soft slumber. It’s almost too much to bear. [clank!] [snoring]

Together>>. Hiyah!

Sk>>. Marlene. Marlene. Marlene!

Mar>>. Aaaaagh!

Sk>>. At ease, marline, at ease.

Mar>>. Hoo, I was dreaming of screaming. Huh. Weird.

Ko>>. It appears that the ghostly death rattle is coming from your own respiratory system.

Mar>>. Oh, well, yeah, of course. Can somebody just spit it out in English?

Ri>>.[snores]

Mar>>. Snoring? I don’t snore.

[recorded snoring]

Sk>>. Mystery solved. You spooked yourself.

Mar>>.That’s not the scary sound.

Sk>>. Oh, come on. It’s bloodcurdling.

[deep shining moan]

Mar>>. That’s the sound.

Ko>>. The ghostly moan appears to be coming from down here.

Pr>>. From the sewer? Eww.

Sk>>. [grunting] No dice. It’s knock-knock time, Rico.

Ri>>. Fwat!

Mar>>. Isn’t that kind of, um, extreme?

Sk>>. No, two sticks of dynamite would be extreme. This’ll just let the specter know we mean business.

[explosion] clang!

Mar>>. Anything?

Sk>>. Nugatory. Nada. Zippo.

Mar>>. I’m telling you, there is something…

Together>>. Oh!

Pr>>. Skipper!

Together>>. Oh!

Sk>>. [coughing] Are you my mommy?

Mar>>. Skipper, are you okay?

Sk>>. Never better. Skipper’s log. Through mysterious means, I’ve escaped the watery doom.

Mar>>. It wasn’t mysterious, it was me.

Sk>>. Marlene, please. The Skipper’s log is no place for flights of fancy.

Mar>>. [growls]

Sk>>. I have entered the mysterious realm of the specter.

[toilet flushes]

Mar>>. It’s the sewer.

Sk>>. Haunted sewer. Kowalski, give me options.

Ko>>. I’ve, uh, come up with some options. Anybody want to hear them?

Pr>>. Okay, why not?

Sk>>. It’s just you and me, Marlene.

Mar>>. I say we do some recon. I’ll take the point.

Sk>>. But I usually take the point. Hey, wait up.

[splashing sounds]

Mar>>. What was that? Oh, okay, that’s just great.

Sk>>. Here, you take the recorder. Let me see that flashlight. Sometimes, it just requires the magic touch. There we go. Ah, who needs it. It was just giving away our position to the enemy.

Mar>>. About that enemy, um, I’m starting to think it’s not a ghost.

Sk>>. And why is that?

>>. [snarling]

Sk>>. My golly, you’re right. That’s no ghost. Clearly, that’s some sort of humongous sewer monster!

Retreat!

[recording snoring]

Sk>>. Some kind of monster from the darkest abyss.

Together>>. Aaah!

>>. [snarling]

Sk>>. Back up. I’m gonna need a perimeter.

[recording snoring]

Mar>>. It’s afraid! Afraid of me?

Sk>>. Marlene, what are you doing? Huh?

>>. [shrieks] Aaah, oh, guys, guys, help me. Save me from the monster!

Sk>>. What do you know? He’s just a gator.

Mar>>. Yeah, so makes monster sounds.

>>. No, nuh-uh, the monster is all [imitates snoring] . oh, it’s terri… it’s horri… I’m just…oh!

Sk>>. Back up a minute, uh…

Ro>>. It’s Roger.

Sk>>. Right. Roger. Do you hear this monster around the same time every night?

Ro>>. Ooh, how’d you know?

Sk>>. From up above?

Ro>>. Yes! You heard it too?

Sk>>. Roger that, Roger. I want you to meet your monster, also known as Marlene.

[recorded snoring]

Ro>>. Oh, that’s it! Ah! That’s the monster.

Sk>>. At ease, Roger. She’s actually very nice. Ooh, aren’t you boys tardy to the party. Marlene and I have the situation under control.

………………………………………..

Ro>>. So the Friedman’s youngest, Benny, picks me up on vacation in Florida, uh-huh. They were visiting their nanny in Tampa, but that’s neither here nor there.

Sk>>. Uh-huh.

Ro>>. I was just a baby at the time, but you know, you change, you grow. Next thing you know, you’re flushed down the toilet.

Ko>>. Fascinating.

Sk>>. Actually, it’s not as bad as you think.

Ko>>. Lucky break you went down there to rescue Marlene, isn’t it, Skipper?

Sk>>. Actually, Kowalski, I didn’t so much rescue Marline as… well, let’s just say. Next time I find myself caught in the swirling currents of raw sewage, I hope that Marlene is at my side.

Mar>>. Aw, that’s so sweet. I think.

…………………………………………

Mo>>. But I don’t want yo go into the haunted place.

Ju>>. Be brave, Mort. Like me.

Ro>>. Hello.

Ju>>. [shrieks] Aaaaah!

Ro>>. What’s the matter with the guy in the funny hat?

Sk>>. I wish I knew, Roger. I wish I knew.

…………………………………………..

[The Penguins of Madagascar ] Episode 2 "Launchtime "

[The Penguins of Madagascar ]

Episode 2 " Launchtime "　　　　
original air date 03,28, 2009　

[brassy detective music] ♪

>. Hit it. ♪hey-oh, yah, hah ♪ oh, hey-oh yeah. hey-oh yeah, oh-hey-oh ♪

[camera shutter clicks]



>. Cute and cuddly, boys.

………………………………

>. [snoring]

[alarm sounding]

Sk>. All hands! Intruder alert!

>. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ju>. Oh, hello, neighbor.

Sk>. Hey, those snack provisions are for authorized personnel only.

Ju>. Do not worry. It is only I, king Julien, who is borrowing your delicious food for my stomach. Yes, that is it. “Borrowing.”

Sk>. Mmph.

………………………………

all>. Hi-yah!

Sk>. And kick, punch, and chop , mulch, duck, spin, backflip, twirl, bob and weave, weave and bob, plie, punch, kick, and punch.

Pr>. Urk. Mmph.

Ju>. Hello, neighbor. Fore!

Sk>. Urgh.

Ju>. It is OK. I have 400 more golf balls where that came from.

Mo>. I like golf. I like flying.

Sk>. Oomph. Harrumph.

Mo>. I don’t like drowning.

………………………………………

Ko>. Oh.

Sk>. Mmm.

[siren blaring]

Mau>. Look out. Coming through.

Sk>. What the?

Mo>. Hello. You’ve run out of juice.

Sk>. [growls]

Ju>. Oh, hello, neighbor.

Sk>. What are you do…

Ju>. Shh.

Sk>. But this is our home, our HQ, our inner sanctum. You can’t just…

Ju>. I can’t hear you. television too loud.

Mo>. [giggling]

Sk>.[growling]

………………………………………..

Sk>. Gentlemen, we need a vacation… vacation from that lemur.

Pr>. We could visit a zoo. They have pandas and hippos and lovely house of reptiles.

Sk>. Private, you do know we live in a zoo.

Pr>. But we could visit a different zoo.

Sk>. Rico. Kowalski, calculate the furthest trip possible from our present location.

Ko>. Climate?

Sk>. Unspecified.

Ko>. Elevation?

Sk>. Unimportant.

Ko>. Lemur population?

Sk>. 0.0%

Ko>. I’ve come up with two locations that fit our vacation parameters.

Computer>. Denmark.

Sk>. I can’t set foot in Denmark.

Pr>. Why not, Skipper?

Sk>. Well, that’s private, Private, between me and the Danes.

Ko>. Very well, that leaves one location.

Compuer>. The moon.

Sk>. Gentlemen, we are going to the moon.

Everyone>. [gasping]

Sk>. And no, there’s no zoo on the moon.

………………………………

[dramatic music] ♪♪

Sk>. Well, we’ll never get to the moon at this rate. Let’s pick up the pace. Men, I present to you the penguin 1 .

Pr>. Is it safe, Skipper?

Sk>. Kowalski?

Ko>. Technically speaking, maybe.

Sk>. Say goodbye to earth, boys.

Pr>. But Skipper, earth has some of my favorite things, like cookies and oxygen…

Sk>. And brown paper packages tied up with string. Kowalski, light this candle.

Ko>. T-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ignition.

[thunderous roar]

pigeon>. Yo, Max, do I look a little, I don’t know, chunkier to you? I mean, I been exercising and all, but no matter how I try, I can’t get rid of all this succulent, delicious dark meat. Psyche! [laughs] Hey, just give it up, hairball. You’ve never caught a bird in your life. Never have, never will.

Max>. [moans] Whoa. A shooting star. I wish… I wish for a bird that can’t fly away. And I also wish the shooting star doesn’t hit me. [screams]

…………………………………….

Ju>. Hello? Neighbors? I would like to borrow your toothbrushes to scrub my hard-to –reach regions. If you agree, say nothing at all.

Mau>. I guess they agree.

Man on TV>. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Ju>. And as long as we are borrowing, how ‘bout a little television, Maurice?

Mau>. You mean big television… big and heavy.

Ju>. Mmm, good point. Let me think… Okay. My brain is saying that the king, which is me, should not have to life heavy things.

Mau>. Hmm.

Mo>. I like heavy lifting.

…………………………………

Sk>. Welcome to the moon, boys. Lemur population, zip, zero, nada. Beautiful.

Ko>. Oxygen reading’s surprisingly high. Moon cheese content : disappointingly low.

Ri> Oh.

Sk>. Private, claim this rock in the name of…

Max>. Penguins? How did penguins get up here, when they… can’t fly. Thank you! Whoa!

Ko>. I’m picking up a possible alien life-form.

Sk>. Game on, boys. Disperse and investigate.

Pr>. Skipper? Hello? Aliens? [whimpers] Ooh, a moon rock. Oh, it’s just a baseball hat flew all the way to the moon.

[ponk!]

Pr>. Yaah! Oh, hello.

Max>. greetings, my little friend. Excuse me, are you a penguin?

Pr>. Why, yes, I am.

Max>. A flightless bird? That means no flapping, no flying, no resistance. [laughs menacingly] [coughs]

Sk>. Kudos, Private. You’ve discovered an alien life-form.

Max>. A buffet!

Ko>. Skipper, this alien is oddly catlike in structure.

Sk>. A moon cat, eh?

Max>. Moon cat?

Sk>. Greetings, moon cat. We come in peace… for now.

Max>. you really think that you’re on the moon.

Ko>. Affirmative.

Max>. Well, good, because you are. Definitely. You’re on the moon. Welcome to the moon.

[helicopter chopping]

Max>. Uh-oh! They spotted the crash! They want to take you away.

Sk>. Who exactly is “they”?

Max>. Uh, the, uh, the evil moon warriors.

Sk>. We can take ‘em.

Ko>. [growls]

Max>. But that beam is their death ray.

Sk>. Death ray? Bring it on!

Max>. Look, I refuse to let anything happen to you guys. You’re coming with me.

Pr>. And to think, he just met us.

…………………………………

Mo>.[grunting]

Ju>. Poor Mort. Here, let me help you. lift with your legs! Your tiny, tiny legs!

Mau>. You know, your majesty, I thought for sure the penguins would have this place booby trapped.

Mo>. Augh! [bawling]

Ju>. Mort, I am starting to think you’re not taking this job seriously. Hmmm.

Mo>.Augh!

Ju>. Maurice!

Mau>. Hang on.

All>. [yelling]

Ju>. Ha-ha!

[thud!]

…………………………………..

Sk>. Moon cat, I’m touched by your hospitality.

Max>. Yeah. Well, It’s time to eat!

Pr>. And now he’s making us a meal. You, sir, are a model of kindness.

Max>. [knocking] Oh, my. Do you hear that? They’re coming. You better use my teleportation machine to hide.

Ko>. Teleportation? That’s pure science fiction.

Max>. Which is exactly why I’ve had to disguise it as a microwave oven. It’s top secret.

Ko>. Camouflaged? Well-played.

Pr>. [bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! bonk! ]

Pr>. It’s a bit of a squeeze.

Max>. maybe if you too off the helmet.

Ko>. This moon cat opened his home, his heart, and his top secret technology to us.

Ri>. Uh-huh.

Sk>. Ten four on that. He’s downright neighborly.

………………………………………

Ju>. Hello, neighbor. Hello, neighbor. Hello, neighbor.

Sk>. [yelling]

……………………………………….

Sk>. You know, Kowalski, maybe I need to sign on to moon cat’s god neighbor policy.

Max>. Forget the microwave!

Pr>. You mean teleportation device?

Max>. Whatever. No more fooling around. It’s time…

Sk>. Moon cat is so right. We can’t fool around on the moon any longer. It is time… time to go home.

Max>. Wait. What? [screams]

Sk>. Thanks for everything, moon cat. Rico, gift him.

Ri>. Fwat!

Max>. Food? For me? No one’s ever, ever given me a gift before. [sobbing] Sorry.

Sk>. You’re quite welcome.

Ko>. T-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ignition.

[thunderous roar]

Sk>. Kowalski, status report.

Ko>. I am randomly pushing buttons while we spin out of control, Skipper.

Sk>. Can I push one? I’d feel better.

Ri>. [snoring]

Ko>. Prepare for splashdown.

[crunch!]

Ko>. Or crash down, as it were.

[foomp!]

Ju>. Oh ho. Hello, trap-happy penguins. We were just “borrowing” your… oh, it was Mort’s idea.

Mo>. Uh-oh.

Sk>. Not to worry, my Ringtailed neighbor. I’ve had a little attitude adjustment, thanks to my visit up there.

Max>. Hi, thanks for the fish!

Sk>. So we didn’t go lunar?

Ko>. It seems I forgot to carry the two.

Sk>. And there’s no such thing as moon cat hospitality?

Ri>. Hmm-mm.

Sk>. Looks like we have intruders, boys. Commence operation hammerhead.

Ju>. Excuse me, hammer whose head exactly?

Ri>. Fwat!

Together>. Hi-yah!

…………………………………….

[Oprah Winfrey ] / / Best of Oprah “ Ellen is on the “Oprah” show. ”

Episode 3847 (original Air Date11/09/09) 03.15.10

>.Today.

Oprah>. What a delight.

>. Ellen on Oprah’s stage.

Oprah>. I love now being able to really call you a friend.

>. I’ve always wanted to be closer.

Oprah>. She’s the “newest American idol” judge. Do you think you can stand up to Simon?

>. And…

Oprah>. We’re on the loose.

>. Oh! Oh!

Oprah>. It flew off the shelves.

>. Do we have a drum roll?

Oprah>. My co-cover girl.

>. Then…

Oprah>. Her wife Portia De Rossi. Who proposed to whom? Ellen’s here!

>. Next.

[cheering]

Oprah>. Woo! Woo! Woo! Hello. Ta-da, ta-da,ta-da,ta-da.

[cheering]

Oprah>. Thank you. Are we cute? Are they cute? That’s right. Woo-hoo! That’s my favorite one. That’s my favorite one. I just …I love Ellen and me on these covers. It was so much fun.

[cheering]

Oprah>. We thought….Have a seat. We thought this day would never get here. It’s been months in the making, so without further ado, let me introduce my glamorous co-cover girl, she’s he woman who makes us all want to get up and dance, sing, and have some fun, and for the first time in 10 years, Ellen is here on the “Oprah” show. And you know we’re gonna have a good time. Cue the music, J.R., cue the music.

[music playing]

Oprah>. Hey, girl.

>. Hey, girl.

Oprah>. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Have a seat. Hey! It’s been a while.

>. I know. I haven’t been here in…

Oprah>. You haven’t been here in a decade.

>. Yeah.

Oprah>. Decade. Well, I have to tell you all, it was so much fun, and I love now being able to really call you a friend, because before we were sort of like celebrity friends.

>. Yes.

Oprah>. Celebrity, like, how are you?

>. I always wanted to be closer.

Oprah>. Yeah. Ha ha!

>. I love you.

Oprah>. And now we can be.

>. Now we can be.

Oprah>. We were very closer for this whole shoot.

>. That’s right. That was so much fun, and I can’t believe it actually happened. I’m really thrilled, and I love the cover. I love it.

Oprah>. Do you love it?

>. Yeah, I love it.

Oprah>. I love it, too.

[applause]

Oprah>. You were such a good sport about the whole thing. Now, and we’re shooting, you know, I…this was all a joke to you to begin with, right? It started out as just, uh…

>. Of course.

Oprah>. It was a joke.

>. Of course.

Oprah>. Of course it was ‘cause everyone knows by now Ellen worked very hard campaigning to be on the cover of “O” magazine. So I want to just take a brief look back at some of her efforts.

Ha ha!

>. Well, there’s one thing that everybody is talking about and that’s my quest to get on the cover of “O” magazine, a calling it O, yes I can!

>>. O, yes I can.

>. I made a phone call to Harpo studios on Friday, and I got “Ted.” Hey, listen, I’m interested in getting on the cover of “O” magazine. What do you think of that?

>>. Um, hole on for one second, OK?

>. Oh, wow. This latest issue, I thought. Well, why don’t we just, like, add me. You’ve already done her, you know, so you could just put me on there.

>>. Hold on for one second, OK?

>. Great, great. I didn’t even have to ask any questions. I just said I want to be on the cover. They’re probably going, when can we fly you out, Ms. Degeneres?

>>. I can still hear you, Ellen.

>. Oh.

[laughter and applause]

[music playing]

>. I think that’s steadman on keyboard. ♪ To get on the cover of “O” ♪

[music playing]

>. We’ve heard that whole song now. She sent me a note. “I’m so sorry I missed your call. Here’s a little something to try and make it up to you.” So you’re all getting cupcakes from Oprah.

Oprah>. So funny, really. Ellen’s crusade, it was so entertaining. It was so entertaining, we’d watch in our office here just to see what you were gonna do. I almost didn’t want the whole thing to end, but last March, I answered her call. Listen.

>. His new film, “I love you, man,” opens in theaters today, and, uh, what?

Oprah>. Ellen? Hello!

[cheering]

Oprah>. Hi, Ellen! Hey, is this a good time?

>. What?

Oprah>. I heard you called me, and I wanted to call back. Is this good time?

>. Wow! Oprah, what are you doing? I can’t believe this is… how is this happening? I don’t know anything about this.

Oprah>. You wanted me to call you because…

>. Oh. Well, Oprah, I have this great idea. See, I just thought it would be really fun, if, you know, we could be on the cover together, you and I, because, you know, because, because… how do you like that idea? Isn’t that a good idea?

[cheering]

Oprah>. I have to tell you, when I first heard about this, I thought it was such a fantastic idea. I was only sorry that I did not think of it myself, so I am calling to officially invite you on the cover of “O.”

>. Are you serious?

[cheering]

Oprah>. Ha ha! OK. So, Ellen, tell everybody how you came up with this idea. How did you come up with it?

>. Well, first of all, my goal was to get on the cover,. Now that that’s happened, I’ll back up in a second, but now my goal is to make it the biggest selling issue of all time. That is my goal.

Oprah>. Thank you for that.

>. I need help.

Oprah>. I’ll take that. But you started this idea because…

>. Because I was sick of the new year’s resolutions that I… everybody comes up with the same new year’s resolutions, and so I decided my resolution was to get on the cover of “O” and at that point, no one had ever been on. That was before the first lady was on. It was before anyone, so I thought it was impossible, and I like challenges, so I thought I am gonna keep doing this until it possibly happens.

Oprah>. And then when you saw that we did the first lady…

>. Then I thought, how dare you?

[laughter]

>. It was my idea!

Oprah>. But as you know, these things take a long time to plan, so we had already…that was already in the works, you know.

>. OK. If you say so. I think you got the idea from me and thought…

Oprah>. No. it was already in the works. It was already in the works, and so after you saw that Michelle Obama was on the cover, you thought, OK,then…

>. Then I have a shot? No, I didn’t think that. No. “Oh, well, if Michelle Obama’s gonna be on, she’ll put me on.” No. there was plenty of people in line after that before I would get there, so no, I didn’t think that at all. I just thought, well, that’s an amazing…of course, that’s a great cover.

Oprah>. We’ll be right back. More with Ellen!

[cheering]

Oprah>. Coming up, Ellen and I on the loose in Chicago. Woo! And behind the scenes of our cover shoot. That’s next. 19 years ago we gave him the worst makeover. What on earth were we thinking? Now… come on out.

>. Oh, my god!

Oprah>. The do-over. Project runway’s Tim Gunn takes on Mr. Grizzly Adams… I love it…an 80’s rocker. You are changing… those dreaded dad jeans. That looks good. And this? Plus Carson Kressley’s on the loose.

>. Oh, no.

Oprah>. ‘cause y’all said make over my man! You look great! Tomorrow.

………………………………………………

news CM.>.Afternoon… we have new information on the death of a young East Tennessee woman…was she involved in a high speed chase with police??? Plus disturbing numbers when it comes to skin cancer… what the experts are ….

………………………………………………

>. Yeah. You all know I’m gonna be on the cover with Oprah. It was a package deal, and so starting today, we’re starting the “O” countdown.

[ticking] [ding]

Oprah>. Hey, Ellen. Yoo-hoo.

>. 17 days left on that clock. I would like to show you what I would’ve looked like had I done the Halloween issue. I think it’s gonna be huge. I predict this is what finally makes Oprah a household name. I think people will know her now. Originally, o thought I was just gonna be on the cover, and then they ended up at the photo shoot taking a lot more pictures, and then they decided to put some pictures inside the magazine, as well, and then Oprah interviewed me, and then Oprah asked me to write that column that she normally writes, “what I know for sure,” so basically, Oprah got me to do all of her work.

>>. Here she is now…Ellen Degeneres.

>. Hi, everybody. I’m dressed as “O” magazine. Stop staring at my articles.

Oprah>. Ellen Degeneres. Ellen Degeneres, uh, our December “O” magazine co-cover girl, is here. May I say that I watched the show with you when you came out as an “O” magazine for Halloween. That was one of the…first of all, I couldn’t believe you were gonna keep that costume on the whole hour.

>. I think that’s what threw my back out…I really do…because it was heavier than it looked and then I had to sit on a stool, and it was really hard for people to talk to me because it was…

Oprah>. You couldn’t talk.

>. It was weird.

Oprah>. I couldn’t believe you did that. Hey, yes.

>. Because I love you.

Oprah>. Yes. Wow, and may I say… did you all see the Halloween show?…that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen when you were hiding in the bathroom and surprising people, and the truth of the matter is, I laughed until I cried, and then I thought. “well, if somebody did that to me, I’d be so pissed.

>. Really? Really? Would you?

Oprah>. But I laughed until I cried every single time. It got funnier and funnier and funnier.

>. It’s so much fun to scare people, not in a horrible way, and also, for me, it’s fun because the anticipation of waiting to see how they’re gonna respond.

Oprah>. Oh, my goodness.

>. But, you know, it was just, I like to plat. I think it’s very important to stay childlike, and I think it’s very important to still play. Everybody stops playing when they get older.

Oprah>. That is true. That is true.

>. So that’s why I do it.

Oprah>. Well, that was fun, and then you could tell were having fun, too, because every time somebody would run out screaming, you would crack up.

>. I know. I made someone scream.

Oprah>. The woman who came into the bathroom, oh… Ellen’s personal camera crew documented what happened behind the scenes at our photo shoot. This also cracks me up.

>. Is that between the lines?

>>. Oh, yes. That’s what he wanted.

>. There’s a line here. Oh, I’m ready. Should we start? I mean, you can photo shop any imperfections if you find any. I’m so excited for this. Is that from Oprah, that gift? That’s so exciting. I wonder what she got me. Oprah got me a gift, you guys. Oh, that’s exciting. It’s really about the clothes. Some of these clothes will be worn. Here are some options of shoes, and then if things don’t go well, rr rr rr rr! No. It’s probably to cut a tag or something. I’m sure of it.

Oprah>. Oh, there’s miss cover girl.

>. Hi.

Oprah>. Beautiful girl, hey.

>. How are you?

Oprah>. This is Sadie.

>. That’s Sadie. You lucky dog. Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Oprah>.Thank you for doing this. This is gonna be fun.

>. What do you mean, “Thank you for doing this?”

Oprah>. Come on. No. It was your idea.

>. No. I forced you into it. Thank you for…

Oprah>. You’re welcome.

>. Yeah. Hey, Gayle. See you.

Oprah>. Love this. I love your hair.

>. Thank you. you want it? I can get you…serge, Oprah wants this hair. I’ve seen that Oprah lovers, when she’s excited about something, to high-five, so while we’re shooting today, I’m gonna see how many times I can get her to high-five. We’re gonna high-five all day long. Shh, don’t tell her.

>>. So, I’m just gonna wrap these around you now, so you turn.

>. Yeah. OK. I said, “Hey, ”Oprah, put me on the cover with you, “And she’s like,” Yeah. OK.” Thought I’d be glamorous and all. I thought, “ I can show my glamorous side on “O”. She said, “Sure ” ♪This little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine♪When does Oprah get wrapped up? Shouldn’t she star getting wrapped up, too? They’re probably gonna put a pie in her face or something. Oh, I get it.

>>. Lights on. Ready?

>. I got my Christmas card. Seriously, when do you star wrapping Oprah up, though?

Oprah>. Ha ha!

>. I have to go to the bathroom. Ha ha ha ! OK. I’m done. [laughter] Hi, baby. There’s my wife over there.

>>. Hi.

Oprah>. Hi, baby, baby. You’re in 4 covers, which has never been done in the history of “O” magazine, never. Here we go. Ready?

>. Beautiful like that.

[laughter]

>. Portia is gonna take a picture so my screensaver on my iPhone is you and me.

Oprah>. OK. Just you and me?

>. Yeah.

Oprah>. OK.

>. Yep.

[camera shutter clicking] [ding ding ding]

>. Oprah needs some more champagne.

[ding ding ding]

Oprah>. “O”! I didn’t know I did that.

>. I didn’t either. Somebody told me you do it.

Oprah>. Oh. So, on Friday, we revealed two of our covers for this iconic issue. Right now, Ellen is going to reveal cover number 3.

>. I just wanted one, and look how many I got. So, do we have a drum roll or something like that? Because that makes it more dramatic.

Oprah>. OK. Drum roll.

[drum roll]

>. Yes. Look at that.

Oprah>. Here’s our…let’s see it. Whoa. That is so good. That is so good. Ha ha ha ! That is so good.

♪Happy holidays ♪Yeah, and that is this little light of mine, absolutely. Well. Ellen and I decided to get out for a little breath of fresh air on Chicago’s famed Michigan Avenue. His was Ellen’s idea, let me tell you.

>. I have 1500 copies of the magazine that is not on the stands, but I thought it’d be fun to give them out when I’m in Chicago tomorrow. I’m just there for the day, so I want to send a tweet out. OK. “windy city! Prepare to get the wind knocked outta you.” It’s gonna be “me & you & Oprah tomorrow on Michigan Ave.” This is gonna be exciting. Me and Oprah! Ellen and Oprah! We’re going to find Oprah. We tweeted. We said, “Meet us at the water tower park, which I don’t know where that is, but we’ll find it because when I see Oprah, she knows everything. There’s nothing Oprah doesn’t know. Get you issue of “O.” Get your issue of “O” right here. Oh, hi. Oprah. Hi. I was just advertising.

Oprah>. Hi, girl. What do you think of the cover?

>. It’s fantastic.

Oprah>. It’s fun, isn’t it?

>. Yeah. Are we gonna walk?

Oprah>. We’re gonna walk.

>. All right.

Oprah>. We’re gonna go.

>. Don’t be nervous, but there’ll be a crowd.

>>. We love you, Ellen!

>. Buy your issue of “O” prove it. See, that’s how you do it. Make then feel guilty.

Oprah>. Make then feel guilty, OK.

[crowd cheering]

>. Let’s go through here.

Oprah>. Oh, what a newsstand. Whoo! This is…ha ha ha! Whoo!

>. Everybody, when I say, “O”, you say, “Prah.” O…

>>. Prah!

>. O…

>>. Prah!

>. O…

>>. Prah!

>. Beautiful. I’ll give you a magazine for a shoe. Who’ll give me a shoe?

>>. I’ll give you a shoe. I’ll give you a shoe.

>. I would like a nicer shoe than this. Who give me a nicer shoe? ♪I’m every woman it’s all in me anything you want done, baby♪ I have personally licked every single copy. Oprah, I should sign your name, and you should sign my name. That way, you’re not just getting an autograph. You’re getting a double autograph. We guarantee this magazine. If you don’t like it, Oprah will buy you a car.

Oprah>. Oh, that was a good idea. The shoe thing? Funny. More with Ellen when we come back. We’ll be right back. We’ll be right back.

Coming up, we’ re talking with Ellen about her new gig as “American Idol” judge, and later, we’ll meet Ellen’s wife Portia De Rossi.

Closed captioning provided by the maker of the following product.

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Oprah>.

Ellen Degeneres is on top of the world. Her daytime talk show is a smash hit.

>. I don’t know a lot about balls. Heidi.

Oprah>. It’s landed her 29 Emmys in 6 years. She’s the face of Covergirl, the voice of American express…

>. My life is about dancing to my own tune.

Oprah>. And he newest judge on “American Idol.’ Ellen is the only person in history to host the Grammys, Emmys, and the biggest night in show business night in show business…the Oscars, and it’s hard of believe that just 8 years ago, just about 8 years ago, you say you couldn’t get people to return a phone call.

>. Yeah. It was really amazing to me that I would ever work again at all, and then even trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought that they no one would watch it because I’m openly gay, and they said, “well, it’s daytime, and, you know, what does she have in common with a lot of, you know, housewives at home who watch daytime?” and, “No one is gonna watch a gay woman,” and so for a while, I mean, we really didn’t think anybody was gonna buy the show.

Oprah>. But after you came out on the original “Ellen” show, you felt really great about that. You were on the cover of “Time” magazine, and everybody was heralding you at the time, I thought.

>. Well. yeah. A lot of people were, not everybody, but, you know, I mean, I think that it was and I think, you know, obviously, today still people are frightened by that, and I think it’s just the unknown, and it’s a lot of fear, but when I came out, it was celebrated, and then reports kept reporting on the reports, and I was not saying anything else, but everybody was like, “Shut up already.” It’s like, “I didn’t say anything.”

Oprah>. Yeah, and so the nighttime show was pulled. The original “Ellen” show was pulled.

>. Yeah. That was canceled a year after I came out, and I’d been on for 6 years, and I found out through my assistant that it was in the trades. No one called me to tell me that it had been cancelled. It was just canceled, and, you know, I knew it was a chance of happening. I knew if I came out that there was a possibility I would lose my career, but I didn’t do it for my career. I did it for me to live in my truth. I thought, “I don’t want to live and have any shame whatsoever. ” I should be proud of who I am, and I don’t care if people approve of it or not. It is who I am, so that’s why I did it.

Oprah>. That’s why you did it, and so during that 8-year period, were you sad? Were you depressed? Were you feeling like, “I’ll never work again?”

>. Yeah. Well, for 3 years, I didn’t work at all, and I was running out of money, so, yeah, I was really scared, and I was depressed, and I was all those things, but I think that I do believe that that’s when you do your soul searching. I think when you have these trials that life gives you, it is an opportunity to find out who you are, not just who you are when everything is great, but who are you when everything is taken away from you and you have nothing?

Oprah>. That’s when you get to find out. You know, one of the things that I said at the photo shoot, one of the things I noticed immediately from you is that you were really radiating joy, and you were saying, well, you’re just so happy, you radiate that. Where’s all that coming from?

>. Um, I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego, and I think there is an energy and a spirit and a soul. That…and there’s an intelligence that we can’t possibly fathom, and I want to be connected to that. And I don’t want to get stuck in my little world.

Oprah>. But I know you told me when we did the interview for “O” that the greatest success came after you were willing to be absolutely truthful to yourself.

>. I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose and we all have a different purpose. It’s our journey. And I believe that if we follow that journey, it’s got nothing to do with sexuality, it’s got nothing to do with anything, it’s just…when you connect with that love and that compassion, that’s when everything unfolds. You know, every bad thing that’s ever happened to me has taught me compassion.

Oprah>. So, tell me this…your decision to do “American Idol”?

>.Yeah?

Oprah>. Was that, like, something… did you pursue that, too?

>. No. No. that was really just brought to me. It was a complete surprise. I had no idea that that was gonna be offered to me. And I was a little apprehensive, because o thought, well, are they gonna think I’m taking Paula’s job away from her because, you know, she’s gone, and it’s not like an overlap thing.

Oprah>. Didn’t see you do an interview with Simon where you thought the gourth… you didn’t like the fourth… you didn’t like the fourth judge idea.

>. Yeah, I didn’t. but I think you have to keep the show fresh and that’s what they’re trying to do, and I think that I’m gonna bring a different aspect. I think I’m gonna bring a home wiewer, which is …who votes anyway. We’re the ones who decide. And I’m kind of learning that I’m really picky, that I think I’m gonna really be much harder than I initially thought.

Oprah>. Really?

>. Uh-huh. I do.

Oprah>. Do you think you can stand up to Simon?

>. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

[laughter]

>. Yeah.

Oprah>. Yeah. Because one of the thing I learned about you in our interview, you have no problem with confrontation.

>. Mm-mm. That’s new to me, too. I was always fearful of someone not liking me. I wanted everybody to like me. And that’s one of the things I learned as I got older, too, is that it’s not about everybody approving of what I say. It’s about if I believe in it, if I’m being truly honest. I don’t want to be hurtful, but oi want to be honest.

Oprah>. So, will you… do you think you’re gonna be funny all the time or are you gonna be serious, or what kind of judge do you think you’re gonna be?

>. I think I’ll be me. I mean, I’m funny a lot of the time, but I’m not funny all the time, so I will be funny if there’s something funny. I mean, with Adam Lambert, I would’ve said, “You’re fantastic but stop showing us so much of your tongue. There’s too much tongue.” I mean, there was a lot of tongue all the time. Um, and…

[laughter]

>. Right? There was too much tongue. And I like him.

Oprah>. You would say that.

>. I would say, you know, “Can we… or just angle it sideways or, you know.”

[laughter]

>. But I think I’m gonna be honest and I’m gonna be funny and I’m gonna be, you know, real. It just depends on what the moment is.

Oprah>. All right. We’ll be back. We’ll be back in a moment. OK. Coming up, Ellen’s wife Portia De Rossi is here for their first television interview together as a married couple. The interview that made headlines. A 200-pound pet chimpanzee snaps. A woman is mauled.

>>. He ripped her face off!

Oprah>. Her entire face gone. It took a miracle to save her.

>>. Now Oprah on location.

Oprah>. Are you aware of the extent of your injuries? With victim Charla Nash. would you mind lifting the veil?

>>. Then…

Oprah>. Tragedy at fort hood. Hear from both hero sergeants who took the alleged fort hood gunman down. Round of applause for your heroism.

>. Wednesday.

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[applause and cheering]

Oprah>. So, Ellen shares her life with her wife, actress Portia De Rossi. They’ve been married for over a tear now, and it was so delightful for me and heartwarming to see them together during our shoot for “O” magazine. When Portia first walked into the room, I have to tell you, well, you know this. Your face lit up. Your face lit up, her face lit up. It was just so sweet. And that“Hi, baby” thing was just sweet.

>. I feel very fortunate. I feel really, really lucky that I found that connection.

Oprah>. Yeah. Portia’s here for their first television interview as a married couple, so, why don’t you do the honors?

>. Um, OK. Um, here is the smartest, kindest, most wonderful woman that you’ll ever, ever know. Portia De Rossi.

Oprah>. Portia De Rossi.

[applause and cheering]

Oprah>. Hi, baby.

>>. Hi.

Oprah>. Hi.

>>. Hi. This is great.

Oprah>. This is great.

>>. It’s great.

Oprah>. Great?

>>. Really great.

Oprah>. This is great. I thought it was so great. It was Saturday morning and it was, you know, fairly early, mid-morning, and you came out and when we asked, well, you said, “ I just wanted to make sure everything was OK. ”

>>. Yeah. The light bulbs were straight around the …this one here. I was fixing those light bulbs. Yeah, it was a really lovely day, I thought. It was a… great energy in the room. It was really exciting to be there.

Oprah>. When did you know that she was the one for you?

>>. When I first laid eyes on her. But it took me 3 years to actually tell her how I felt about her, because I was on “Ally Mcbeal” at the time and I was not living as an openly gay person. I was closeted and very, very afraid that if I talked about being gay, it would be the end of my career, so I wasn’t about to then date the most famous lesbian in the world.

[laughter]

Oprah>. But when you first saw her, did you, like, were you guys on a set? You were on a set?

>>. We actually met socially, and I just felt that immediate draw.

Oprah>. Did you just want to talk to her?

>>. Yes. And we did talk a little bit, and then over those 3 years, we saw each other at parties or at various things, but the one time that was the most significant was during a photo shoot, actually. I just walked over to say hello to her, and I couldn’t believe it, but she turned around and it was like an arrow was shot through my heart. I felt weak at the knees and I was overwhelmed, was how I felt.

Oprah>. Really.

>>. But then it took me about 10 months to get the courage up to actually do anything about it.

Oprah>. Were you trying to shoot an arrow?

>. No. I had given up.

>>. She had no idea.

>. No, I completely had given up. We met a while back and I felt like we had a connection, and I didn’t feel anything back, and I just, you know, it was like, OK, well, I just have heeling for her.

>>. I’m hard to read.

Oprah>. You’re hard to read.

>>. I must be. Because I felt very strongly toward her, but…

>. But no, I didn’t know until she… that… that… when we got together, when she finally told me how she had been feeling.

Oprah>. So, who proposed to whom, and why was it important to be married?

>>. Well, Ellen was gonna surprise me with a commitment ceremony at a joint birthday party that we were gonna have, so we made the date of August 16, and then during that time, gay marriage became legal in California, so we were about to have the ceremony, and then all of a sudden, it was like a gift that it was then legal.

Oprah>. Was it important to you to be married?

>>. It…yes, it’s important to be married because as a gay person, it’s hard to know the difference between being married and having that kind of legal stamp of validity to your relationship. It’s hard to know how that actually feels until it happens, and that’s why it’s so important that everybody get to have that feeling…

Oprah>. Certainly have the right to it.

>>. Yes, and also, the thing about being a gay couple is that, you know, in the past, you’d refer to your wife and there was quotation marks around it. And there was always that chance that people would kind of snigger about it. But now it’s fact. It’s law. She’s my wife. I get say that she’s my wife and there’s …that’s just the way it is. It’s fact.

Oprah>. Yes. And you call each other “wives” my wife, my wife.

>. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It’d be weird to call her my husband, because…

[laughter]

>. She’s not.

>>. I wouldn’t like that.

Oprah>. Wouldn’t like that.

>. And it …you know, and you really… anybody who’s married knows that there is a difference. There is a…it feels like you’re home. There’s an anchor, there’s a safety, there’s a… I mean, I’m gonna be with her till the day I die and I know that.

Oprah>. We’ll be right back. That’s it.

[applause and cheering]

Oprah>. Coming up, Ellen and Portia share intimate video of their wedding day. So beautiful. You won’t want to miss it. That’s next.

>>. This month on “Oprah”

Oprah>. Ryan Seacrest with all the “American Idol” scop.

>>. She is one of the kindest people.

Oprah>. What’s your relationship really like? Renegade chef Jamie Oliver.

>>. This is damn fun.

Oprah>. Nate takes over for a stay-at-home mom.

>>. Are you wet? Will you eat a bite of this? Whoa.

Oprah>. Legendary sex symbol Raquel Welch. Do you feel as good as you look? And Rosie O’donnell. Why are you nervouse?

>>. Because it’s you!

>>>. This month on “Oprah”.

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Oprah>. Well, after 4 years together, Ellen and Portia invited 19 of their closest friends and relatives to an intimate wedding ceremony at their Beverly Hills home. Here’s a look at some special moments from that day.

>>. Isn’t hat amazing?

>>>. Yeah.

>>. Oh! Oh, my god,. These are so beautiful.

>. Portia may do flowers and plates and stuff like that, but nobody does a candle like me. Portia’s mama from Australia came in. and are you having some…

>>. I’m eating vegemite. I’m eating vegemite.

>. So Australian. So Maggie came from Australia, and we’re waiting for my mama and my aunt Helen, who came in from Mississippi.

>. 3 glasses?

>>. Yeah, for water.

>>. Champagne, water, wine.

>. We could save room if we wore those hats that you could drink from. You could put the champagne in a hat.

>>>. That…

>. And you could just sip on it.

>>>. That works. That works, but…

>. I’m just throwing out ideas.

>>>. Exciting,exciting.

>. Rolling in for makeup here.

>>. Wow. It’s beautiful. So pretty. I’m so happy.

[camera shutter clicking]

>>. You look beautiful.

>. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

>>>.　♪shoelaces untied…♪

>. Ha ha ha!

>>>.　♪you can dry your eyes the way your hair lies sometimes unrecognized all the way from these today on a train nothing to say if there’s still time and you are the one I’ve been waiting for today unknown our love has grown and I think god you came along but you are the one I’ve been waiting for today ♪

Oprah>. Gosh. Thank you for sharing those with us. Thank you. Oh, that’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. We’ll be back in a moment. Gorgeous.

Oprah>. Coming up, get ready to crack up. Ellen’s most hilarious pranks and practical jokes are next. He sang on the streets for food, now journey! See his fulltime miracle gig. Journey rocks the stage. Did you ever even dream this? You opened your mouth right here on this stage, and we all went Jesus. Then from homeless on skid row…

>>. You’d have to sleep in the bus station or outside.

Oprah>. To hello Harvard! I would like for you to do me a favor.

>>. Oh, my goodness!

Oprah>. Don’t stop believing Thursday.

………………………………………

Oprah>. You know, one of the things Ellen was just telling us… she’s not, you know, not one of those comedians who has to be funny all the time, but do you laugh a lot?

>>. Yeah, I do. I laugh a lot. We…we think it’s really important to have laughter in your home and really enjoy each other.

>. She makes me laugh every day. She’s hysterical.

>>. Yeah, but you know how I make her laugh? I just say regular things, and she bursts out laughing at me. And I don’t even know I’m doing it.

Oprah>. Well, Ellen always looks like she’s having fun on her show. Millions of people tune in to get a daily does of laughter. Here are some of the moments that crack us up.

[cheering]

>. Your husband’s a good dancer, but you’re a better dancer than him.

>>. I know!

>. I’m sure you’ve heard by nom that I was groped by “hardball’s” Chris Matthews. He called it “dancing”.

Oprah>. Ellen can get people to do just about anything.

>. We have sent Dennis Quaid over to Starbucks, and he has to say whatever I tell him to say. Dennis Quaid is here!

>>. Dennis Quaid is here!

[laughter]

>>. It’s part of the trick!

>. Dennis Quaid wants a coffee.

>>. Dennis Quaid wants a coffee.

Oprah>. She’s the mastermind behind some of the funniest practical jokes.

>. We sent her to a fake dressing room, where I was hiding. We put some hidden cameras.

>. Ahh!

>>. Ahh!

>. So my guests weren’t the only ones that I tried to scare.

>. Ahh!

>>.Ahh!

>. Somehow, some way, I’m gonna get this banner into the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade.

Oprah>. Ellen was determined to land George Clooney on her show.

>. We need George Clooney!

>>. Get a bunch of Chippendales. He’s yours.

Oprah>. She finally convinced him to come. She even got me in the car to spoof my big road trip.

>. ♪ come on, now go walk out the door, yes! Don’t turn around now

Oprah>. ‘couse you’ re not welcome anymore ♪

Oprah>. Oh. OK, the thing is, is it as much fun as it looks?

>. To do the show?

Oprah>. Yeah.

>. Oh, god, yeah. I mean, we just… anything we think of, we just put it out there, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. but yeah, that’s fun.

Oprah>. So this whole idea started because you were working for covergirl, and the covergirl ad was inside “O”.

>. Oh, you mean for this?

Oprah>. Yes.

>. Yeah. My covergirl print ad was on the inside cover of “O, and when I saw that, I said, “Well, I’m almost on the cover.” I’m, like, right there. And if you just flipped it over, that woule be the cover of “O”, and so it kind of did initiate the entire thing.

Oprah>. So, and I understand that sales skyrocketed to number one when you became the face of Olay’s simply ageless.

>. Simply ageless foundation. It’s the number-one foundation.

Oprah>. Number-one foundation now because of you.

[applause]

Oprah>. Covergirl. Now, would you have even imagined that could have happened?

>. That I would be a covergirl?

Oprah>. Yes.

>. No, no, but why are you so shocked.

Oprah>. No, I’m not, I’m not. No, but if just doesn’t seem like something that you would have aspired to in life.

>. I think it’s more of really, again, being yourself, and I think that that’s what it is. If you can look better without covering it all up and just enhance yourself, then I’m all for that. I’m all for being really who you are.

Oprah>. So I told you today, walking down the street, I think you look better than ever. What do you think it is?

>. I think I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I am more myself. I think kindness is the key to just…to yourself, to other people, and embracing and being open. I mean, being a comedian and trying to make people laugh and wanting people to like you and having that secret inside of, like, they’re not gonna laugh at me, they’re not gonna like me no matter how good a person I am. If they find out I’m gay, they’re not gonna…

Oprah>.yeah.

>. That’s a lot to carry around, which you don’t think about until you release it. And so I think…I think I found out who I was, and I think I’ve really… I try to be a better person every single day, and she makes me better.

Oprah>. Do you guys seem to… you know, in some relationships, people grow apart, and then in other relationships, you sort of grow together in a way that both of you get to learn from each other. Is that what’s happening here?

>>. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think… like Ellen, I think I have grown a lot in the past 4 years and gotten rid of a lot of that anxiety and just try to really focus on what’s important and just having that sense of peace and being more myself.

Oprah>. So what made you take the leap, Portia? Because you were saying that at first you were apprehensive about getting in a relationship with the most famous, you know, gay woman in America, and what made you just finally say, “you know what?” because you would have to face a lot of your own fears to do that.

>>. I did. I faced every one of my fears to do it, and I …she did this for me because I felt this overwhelming connection with her, and I…I just… I didn’t want to miss out.

Oprah>. So the love overcame the fear.

>>. The love overcame the fear for me.

Oprah>. That’s big. We’ll be right back. That’s it. “the Oprah Winfrey show” is brought to you in part by Target. Target supports local K through 12 schools as part of its 5 % to commitment to community giving. That’s more than $3 million a week. Closed captioning provided by the maked of the following product.

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Oprah>. 19 years ago we gave him the worst makeover. What on earth were we thinking? No … come on out! The do over. Project runway’s Tim Gunn takes on Mr. Grizzly Adams, an 80’s rocker. Those dreaded dad jeans. That looks good! And this. Plus Carson Kressley’s on the loose.

>>. Oh, no!

Oprah>. ‘cause we all said make over my man! You look great! Tomorrow.

[cheering and applause]

Oprah>. OK, so, everybody, Ellen brought a little something for everybody in the audience. Ellen?

>. Well, I don’t have cupcakes, but it’ll last a little longer than that, and I think this is… thank you so much. You’ve been… it’s a wonderful energy in here, and where are they? We brought.. we brought…

Oprah>. We brought….

>. We brought T-shirts for everybody.

[cheering and applause]

Oprah>. Really? That is so cute. That is so cute. That is do cute. It says “Laugh. Dance. O.” that is so cute. “Laugh. Dance. O.” That is so cute.

>. One of a kind.

Oprah>. Thank you. covergirl, listen, it was just a joy. It was truly a joy.

>. It is always a joy being with you. I adore you. I think you’re a wonderful person who makes the world a better place. We thank you.

Oprah>. Thank you. Thank you, Ellen. Thank you, Portia. Bye, everybody!

>. Bye, Everybody.

Oprah>. Bye, everybody. T-shirts, so cute.

[captioning made possible by kind world]

[captioned by the national captioning institute…www.ncicap.org…]

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