>.Racquel is intense. She’s a great mom…
……………..
>. You don’t have to choose between being a mom and having to work. You may not be there all the time, but the time that you do have you can make that count.
…………….
>. It was mine, the pot. It was mine. Sorry for not being the girl that you thought I was.
……………...
>. What makes all this worth it?
>. What makes it worth it is the connection. It’s a bond you feel.
>. Well, what if I don’t feel a connection?
>. You will.
…………………………………
>. What is this?
>. Oh, Crosby…
>. Oh, um, that’s my mixing beaker.
>. Yeah.
>. What do you mix in it?
>. Oh, you know, frozen orange juice and stuff.
>. I stinks.
>. Hey, uh, be careful out there stay close.
>. Okay, are…are we done here, do you think?
>. Yeah, yeah, we are almost done. You even know who these belong to?
>. Of course. Um, you know what? I think Kristina left them here.
>. Yeah, very funny. Hey, I know we’re doing all this child proofing here, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather have the sleepover at our house?
>. Oh, you don’t think I can handle it.
>. You know what’s gonna be good for you? You’re gonna get to have your son here with you and you get to watch him sleep and just see how innocent and vulnerable and…
>. And peaceful?
>. Yeah.
>. Yeah, you know, I’ve dated some wild women, some real hellcats. But you know, when they finally pass out, it’s like they turn into these little kittens, all furry and warm, and… so you know, I know what you’re talking about. I feel ya.
>. Ya.
…………………………………..
>. Are you sure? Do you want something?
>. Oh, no, no, no.
>. Oh, oh , sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just gonna have some of mine.
>. Granddaughter, what are you doing?
>. We’re, uh, dining. Would you like some?
>. Aw, gee, thanks, no. Uh, I’ve got something I have to do. But appreciate it, really. looks like fun.
…………..
>. Oh, hey, Kristina.
>. Yeah?
>. Could Haddie babysit for us tomorrow nigh? ‘Cause our regular sitter has the flu.
>. Um, yeah, I don’t see why not. Hey, Haddie… Haddie!
>. What? Can you, uh, babysit tomorrow night? For aunt Julia?
>. Um, you know what, I would really like to but I…
>. But you have plans? What?
>. That’s fine, sweetie.
>. She doesn’t have any planes. She has nothing to do.
>. It’s not like she has to though.
>. You know, well…
>. What about Amber?
>. Oh, wow. Yeah.
>. I mean, she’s sitting right there.
>. Yeah. That’s…that’s a great idea.
>. That’s a perfect idea.
>. Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that. That’s great. Yeah!
>.okay, let me just ask her. Hey, do you wanna babysit for aunt Julia? Hello? Hey, hey, hey, hey.
>. Hey, what’s wrong with you?
>. Aunt Julia wants you to babysit.
>. Oh, so you’re waterboarding me?
>. Aunt Julia wants you to babysit.
>. Okay, whoa, take it easy. Yeah, sure. Why not?
>. Yeah, yeah, no, I thought so. Good, okay, she’d love to.
>. Great.
>. Great.
>. Smile.
>. Thank you. awesome.
>. No prob.
>. Great, problem solved.
>. Yeah.
>. Hey, go tell your brother that we’re ready to eat.
>. There’s no way I’m going near that bathroom while he’s in it, which is five times a day.
>. No, that’s a exaggeration. She’s exaggerating.
>. You do know what he’s doing in there, don’t ya?
>. Yes, he’s getting clean.
>. Yeah, spankin’ clean.
>. He’s…he has, like, you know, he’s working on his hair. He’s got like, different products.
>. I do that too.
>. For long times.
>. Yeah.
>. Hi, honey.
>. Hi.
>. Hey, Drew.
>. Good morning.
>. Hey, bud, how was the shower?
>. Your hair looks cute.
…………………………………………..
>.Honey, does Crosby know that I know about Jabbar?
>. Well, I think he assumes I tell you everything.
>. Why would he assume that? He hasn’t even told Katie he has a son yet.
>. Well, I think Crosby assumes I’m not like him.
>. Mm-hmm, I think Crosby assumes correctly, which is why he should not be making jokes about my underpants being in his houseboat.
>.[sigh]
>. Weirdo.
>. You mean crotchless panties?
>. Ick, so… wait a…honey.
>. Yeah.
>. Where did this…$220? Look at that.
>. It’s Haddie’s cell.
>. Yeah, she’s racked up, like, a gazillion minutes on this thing.
>. Yeah, to one number over and over again.
>. She’s sleeping over at Leslie’s. Please call her.
>. This is not acceptable.
>. I…I don’t even recognize this number. She’s never called this number before. Who is this?
>. [sigh] All right, she’s not picking up.
>. Who are you calling now?
>. I’m gonna call the mystery number and find out who this belongs to.
>. Okay, well, put it on speaker I wanna hear it.
>. All right.
[ringing]
♪♪yo, yo, yo, whassup?
>. Okay, you dialed wrong.
>. I did not dial wrong.
>. Let me try. You had to have dialed wrong.
>. All right, here. There you go. Try if you’re… go ahead.
[ringing]
♪♪yo, yo, yo, whassup? ♪♪
…………………………………….
♪ may god bless and keep you always ♪may your wishes all come true ♪ may you always do for others ♪and let others do for you ♪may you build a ladder to the stars ♪ and climb on every rung ♪ and may you stay forever young ♪may you grow up to be righteous ♪may you grow up to be true ♪ may you always know the truth ♪ and see the lights surrounding you ♪ may you always be courageous ♪ stand upright and be strong ♪ and may you stay ♪ forever young ♪ may you stay ♪ forever young ♪
..…………………………………….
>. Honey, wait a second. I just think that we should let her explain herself before breaking into her room.
>. Well, wait…wait a minute, her room is on our house, so technically we’re not breaking into anything. She’s 15 years old. Besides, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
>. Right, just us.
>. Go ahead.
>. No, you go ahead.
>. All right.
>. You wanted to do this.
>. All tight, okay, we’ll just get in and get out, all right?
>. Get in and get out. Let’s do it. What exactly are we looking for?
>. I don’t know, anything that smells like yo-yo.
>. Smells like yo-yo. Okay, um, hey, what about…what about her computer? Her Facebook page, what about that?
>. Good idea.
>. Okay.
>. All right. [sigh] I don’t know her password.
>. Oh, I used to know it.
>. All right.
>. Haddiedaddy.
>. Really? That’s sweet.
>. Mm-hmm. She was 12…
[computer beeps]
And she’s changed it. I don’t know.
>. Yo.
>. Yo.
>. Can I shower in here? The masturbatorium is occupied.
>. Please, will you give him a break, please, not shame your brother? He’s 14, okay? He has needs.
>. I think I know pretty much everything there is to know about 14-years-old boys and their needs.
>. Thank you for that.
>. Oh, um, aunt Julia called. I don’t have to babysit.
>. Why not?
>. I don’t know.
>. Well, uh, what did she say? What was the reason?
>. Who cares?
>. I care.
>. I’m gonna shower.
>. She didn’t give any reason at all? She didn’t postpone? Did she… hello?
[shower running]
…………………………………….
>. So I heard the kid proofing went well.
>. Indeed.
>. You even found something of mine?
>. Least I didn’t mention your special mixing beaker.
>. What mixing beaker?
>. Okay, look, I got it.
>. What?
>. Haddieho.
>. Haddieho?
>. Uh-huh.
>. That…that’s not good.
>. Says she’s in a relationship. Has been for a month.
>. A month.
>. Is that him? Is that him?
>. Must be. Yo-yo.
>. A.K.A. Steve Williams. He’s a junior at Haddie’s high school…
>. Junior.
>. What else? What else? What else?
>. Well, he’s got a rap sheet.
>. That’s not funny.
>. It’s not even close.
>. Okay, look, they’re Facebook official. They’re not eloping to Vegas.
>. Facebook official?
>. It’s not a suicide pact, they’re just dating.
……………………………………….
>. How much masturbating is too much?
>. Uh, I’m sorry, what ?
>. For… for Drew? He’s in the bathroom, like, a lot. Like, six or seven times a day.
>. That…look, Sarah, that’s totally normal, okay? So…
>. Is it too much? I don’t know what to do.
>. Look, I’ve got problems of my own, okay? Haddie has a boyfriend.
>. Of course Haddie’s got a boyfriend. She’s 15, she’s cute, Adam. Don’t be a dork.
>. Yeah, okay, and you know what? They’re Facebook official, and…and, you know, she hasn’t said anything to Kristina and I about it.
>. Well, of course she doesn’t talk to you about it. That’s not a problem. I’ve got a kid who I’m afraid might injure himself. It’s the one time I could actually use some help from his lame father who won’t call me back. You know, with Amber, she got her period, I said, “You okay?” She said, “Screw you.” She was fine, but him I just…
>. So…
>. I can’t be the man for him, you know?
>. Oh, you’re asking me to talk to him about it.
>. Oh, god, Adam, would you?
>. Yeah, absolutely. No problem.
>. Just don’t make him feel weird, okay? He’s just so sensitive. Just tell him that it’s normal or almost normal and he’s becoming a man.
>. I’m gonna welcome him to the club.
>. Yeah.
>. All that stuff.
>. Just be positive and encourage him to express himself in other ways too, you know?
>. What, like, downloading porn?
>. Oh, god.
>. That’s outside the shower.
………………………………………..
>. Hey, Sarah.
>. Hey.
>. Oh, yeah, good. Glad I got… we need to talk here.
>. Okay, I gotta get to work, dad. What’s up?
>. Well…well…,honey, are you aware that we’re in the middle of a drought?
>. What? No.
>. Well, somebody in the house is using an awful lot of water.
>. Oh, yeah, that.
>. So from an environmental standpoint, I was thinking, uh, we need to do something.
>. Yeah, I’m as green as the next person, dad. But he’s a 14-year-old boy, I don’t know what to tell you.
>. That’s why I would like to talk to him mano a mano.
>. Oh, no. I still bear the emotional scars of the little talk we had when I was a kid. And that was a long, long time ago. Don’t say anything to him, please.
>. Well, sweetheart, this is not women’s work.
>. Yeah, way to be progressive, dad.
>. Come on, honey, I’m a grandfather, that’s what grandfathers are for. Send me in there.
>. Dad, thank you so much for this…offer, but under no circumstances are you to talk to Drew about the…
>. Masturbation.
>. oh. Don’t talk to him about it, okay? Thanks.
>. Well, honey, it’s perfectly natural. I mean, even I on occasion still…
>. Ahh!
>. I’m not obsessively.
……………………………………….
>. Permission to come aboard.
>. Oh, no. pirates. Arrg! What’s up, sleepover buddy?
>. Nothing.
>. Nothing? You ready for this? Me too.
>. I can’t tell you how much a appreciate this, Crosby.
>. Are you kidding? I’m fired up. I should be thanking you.
>. Oh, can I get a hug? Can I get a hug? Oh… You be good, okay?
>. Okay.
>. Uh,So, uh, I’m available 24/7 except for the two hours that I’ll be dancing. So if anything, if you need me, just call me, I’ll be here…anything.
>. You don’t need to worry, like, I…I baby proofed the…crap out of this place.
>. Okay.
>. Nothing’s gonna go wrong, right, Jabbar? He knows, safety first here.
>. You’re a doll. Thank you.
>. Thank you. Thank you.
>. Have fun.
>. Okay, no girls allowed.
>. Bye.
>. Ew, gross.
>. Cheese or pepperoni?
>. Pepperoni.
>. Pepperoni.
………………………………………….
>.Your cell phone bill was over $200 this month.
>. You’re kidding.
>. No.
>. I had no idea.
>. That’s over 1,000 minutes.
>. Okay, well, I’ll pay you guys back. I’ll babysit, I’ll do chores, you know, whatever it takes.
>. That’s , like, 18 hours in one month.
>. To one number. One number.
>. Steve Williams?
>. How do you guys know that?
>. Well, when we couldn’t reach you, we called his number.
>. You guys talked to Steve?
>. No, we did not talk to him. We just heard his voice. We heard his voice.
>. Yo, yo, yo.
>. So how do you know his name?
>. We have our ways.
>. What ways? What did you guys do?
>. We went on your computer.
>. Your facebook page.
>. No, you didn’t.
>. Mm-hmm.
>. You guys broke into my room and you hacked into my computer?
>. Wait a second, missy. You have no right to get angry with us. You have been going out with this boy for over a month without telling us.
>. Okay, who cares, homeland security? What you guys did is illegal. You can’t do that. It’s a violation of…everything.
>. Oh, no, no, no, no.
>. Hey, what, you’re Facebook official.
>. Right.
>. That’s right, you go up to your room because you’re grounded.
>. Grounded.
>. Ya vol! Mein fuhrer!
[door slams]
>. Sucked.
…………..
[thumps]
………………………………………….
>. Hey.
>. Hey. How did you know that I was here on a Sunday?
>. Oh, I…I was talking to Joel and I’m on my way to work, so…
>. I’m so busy, it’s insane.
>. Is that why you canceled Amber?
>. Yeah. Yeah, uh, if they had their way, I would never get to see Sydney, let alone have a date night.
>. Yeah, ‘Cause Joel said you canceled because, um, she doesn’t know the area.
>. Yeah, well, I mean, it was a combination of that and the work, you know.
>. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She was really disappointed.
>. She was?
>. She thinks that you don’t think she’s responsible or capable.
>. She didn’t sound disappointed. When I talked to her.
>. She was, she was really disappointed, ‘cause, you know, back in Fresno she was a really popular babysitter. Everybody called her. She was the go-to girl.
>. I didn’t know that.
>. Well, now you do.
>. Sarah. Sorry.
>. Don’t apologize to me.
………………………………………
>. How’s it going, Drew?
>. Hey.
>. Aw, grandpa made me do the same thing when I was your age. Wash his old truck. Sucks.
>. Yeah.
>. How’s everything else?
>. Good.
>. Yeah, I hated washing the old truck. But there was something I really enjoyed doing when I was your age.
>. Oh, yeah? What?
>. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s totally natural. You know, Woody Allen said, uh, “Masturbation is having sex with somebody you love.”
>. What? Did my mom ask you to talk to me about this?
>. No, no, I mean, she may have mentioned it. But I wanted to talk you about it because, Drew, it’s totally normal, okay? And I wanna make sure you don’t feel weird about it and we can just, you know, air it out.
>. Air it out?
>. Well, you know, I just wanted to make sure there’s no stigma attached to it, like, hair growing on your palms.
>. Yeah, yeah, can we just not talk and just say we did?
>. Yeah, but I… I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me about anything, all right? Like, pimples, girls, birth control. You know about rubbers, right? Prophylactics?
>. Look, we can just talk too, right?
>. Yeah! Yeah, absolutely. No big deal. Okay, well, you just, uh, you keep up the good work. With the washing the truck, I mean, not the…or…or the other thing too if you want, ‘cause, uh… all right, I’m glad we had this talk.
……………………………………..
>. All right, all right, I had no choice. Sarah started asking about other nights Amber could babysit and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. So mea culpa. I totally blew it.
>. Oh, oh, no, it’s fine. I blew it too.
>. You did? We should never have canceled in the first place.
>. Wait, so now we trust Amber.
>. She is a very experienced babysitter.
>. Yeah, says your sister.
>. I trust my sister.
>. Oh, geez, I’m sorry. I forgot the cardinal rule. Only a Braverman can criticize another Braverman.
>. All right, you’re right. I’m sorry. That’s a… that’s a total double standard.
>. Thank you.
>. One about which we can nothing.
>. Hey, so what are we gonna do?
>. I was thinking that we should call Amber and see if she can still come over tonight.
>. You sure about this?
>. No, but I’m optimistic.
>. Yeah, so am I.
>. Good.
>. Good, date night.
>. Yay.
>. So how did it go? What happened? What did you say?
>. I did okay, considering.
>. Really? you didn’t use the word though, did you?
>. Why?
>. Because it’s just so clinical. You know? Masturbate.
>. Uh, you think it’s time to let Haddie out of her room?
>. It’s against the rules to eat peanut butter out of the jar, dad.
>. You are absolutely right, buddy.
>. You’re right.
>. Does that mean I can?
>. No, that means that dad cannot. He cannot. You broke the rule.
>. I…I broke the rule.
>. He broke the rule.
>. I broke he rule. Hey, you know what, can you do me a favor? Can you tell your siser to come downstairs?
>. No.
>. Why not?
>. ‘Cause she’s not upstairs.
>. Yeah, she is, honey. She’s in her room.
>. No, she’s not.
…………………………………….
>. Yo-yo lives here?
>. Honey, don’t judge a book by its cover. You can cook meth anywhere. I told you that.
[indistinct chatter]
>. I’m out.
>. Uh, Kristina.
>. Kristina!
>.You’re Adam Braverman.
>. And you must be Kristina and Max.
>. Yeah, hi.
>. Hi.
>. Yeah, Haddie’s shown us pictures. Yeah, we know, we’ve heard all about you.
>. Uh, Max, stay close, buddy.
>. He’s okay.
>. It’s fine.
>. Hi.
>. Hi, good to meet you. we’ve heard all about you.
>. Wow.
>. You have?
>. Yeah, we just love her to death.
>. Oh, so, uh, she’s not…
>. Here? No, no, neither is Stevie.
>. Would you like to come in? Seeing as how we are Facebook officially related.
>. Yeah, there’s that.
>. No, thank you. thank you. that’s nice.
>. Max, please don’t pull the petals off the flowers.
>. Oh, no, no, it’s okay. It’s fine. We understand, Haddie’s, uh, told us about the situation.
>. Yeah.
>. The what?
>. The situation with Max.
>. Okay.
>. What are you doing here?
>. Uh, well, you know, it’s funny, we were just in the…
>. Checking us out? I get it. I get it.
>. Yes. Yeah.
>. You caught me.
>. I understand.
>.You got me.
>. If I had a daughter, I’d wanna know where she’s spending her time too. You’re doing the right thing.
>. Yeah, that’s all.
>. It’s fine, don’t worry.
>. Yeah, okay.
>. Okay, you are the one that should be pissed. They were way out of line.
>. So then, what do I do when they start interrogating me again?
>. Well, first you have to acknowledge where they’re coming from. It’s their job to make your life miserable.
>. Okay, so what’s my job?
>. To keep them out of your personal life for as long as humanly possible, which isn’t gonna be easy. They’re…they’re like termites. They’re relentless.
>. So then what can I do to make them stop?
>. Deception. Misinformation. You flat out lie to their face if you have to. Although that does tend to backfire. Really gets them riled up. Just remember, they brought this on themselves.
………………………………………
>. Hey.
>. Hey.
>. Thanks for responding to my A.P.B.
>. No problem. How are you?
>. Great.
>. Yeah?
>. You know what you’re gonna say?
>. Uh, how about, “Get the hell in the car”?
>. Great opener. But after that, what’s your plan? What are you gonna do?
>. I don’t have a plan, Sarah.
>. No? Have you met this guy?
>. No, I just heard his voice on the phone. He’s one of these “Yo, yo, yo” guys.
>. That’s bad.
>. Yeah, got that.
>. Do you think they’re having sex?
>. Haddie is 15.
>. Amber was 15 when she hooked up with Damien.
>. And they were…
>. Yes, they were. She wanted to move in with him and start their lives together.
>. Well, I don’t think Haddie’s there yet. I mean. I’m sure she’s not. So…positive, in fact.
>. Okay, okay. I believe you. but it’s right around the corner and you have to do everything you can to postpone it. Do you know how to do that?
>. No, what do you suggest?
>. My god, you have to shut them down. No phone, no email, no computer, no texting, no leaving the house, no nothing, and then when that fails, you just go to plan B.
>. Which is what?
>. Move.
>. Thanks for that.
>.Welcome to my world, brother.
................................................
>. I cannot believe you would just sneak out like that.
>. I cannot believe that you would hack into my computer.
>. I hacked into your computer to find out what's going on with you.
>. What if I don't want you to know what's going on with me?
>. I don't care, Haddie, I'm your father. I have a right to know.
>. I have a right to my privacy.
>. Not in my house, you don't.
>. Okay.
>. Maybe it's different over at Steve's house with Marjorie and Dale.
>. You didn't.
>. Oh, where did you think we'd go when we couldn't find out where you were?
>. Dad!
>. We were worried about you, Haddie.
>. Oh...oh, my god.
>. They knew everything about us, and we didn't even know they existed. How do you think that felt?
>. Probably as bad as it feels finding out that your parents have no respect for your privacy.
>. Fine, you know what, that' it. No more cell phone, no more texting. You go to school. You come home from school. That's the way it's gonna be.
>. You have to be kidding me.
>. I am not kidding. Do I look like I'm kidding?
.......................................................
>. And last but not least is poison control center so...
>. Think I got it.
>. Great. Okay. Oh, um, and we're good with the whole scheduling snafu?
>. Yeah, it was, like, not a big deal at all.
>. Your mom said you were pretty upset.
>. She did? I probably overreacted or something.
>. Great. [clearing throat]
................
>. Hi.
>. Hey, there.
>. Ahh!
>. Look who's here.
>. Hello.
>. Amber!
>. Hi, come here. Huh, all right, where should we go?
>. Over there.
>. Okay, let's go. Badum, Badum, Badum, Badum.
>. Horsey!
>. Horsey!
>. Okay, so, um, I guess we're off.
>. Okay, have fun.
>. Okay.
>. Okay?
>. Okay.
>. That's pretty cool. What does this button do?
>. Whoops.
>. Oh, um, I have my cell phone and it's on.
>. So I do too if you, you know, get any reason to call.
>. Okay, see you later. Have fun.
>. Bye.
>. Okay.
>. All right, you guys have fun.
>. Bye.
>. Not too much fun.
>. Got it.
>. All right.
>. Bye.
>. Bye, girls. Have fun.
>. Bye.
>. Are they always like that?
>. Always.
...................................................
>. Oompa!
>. Whoa! Do it some more.
>. Okay.
>. More!
>. Whoo-hoo!
>. Wow.
……………………………………..
>. I could always talk to Haddie. Always.
>. Honey, rebelling, it's…it's just part of growing up, you know?
>. She hates me.
>. She doesn't hate you. She loves you more than anybody else in this entire world and you know it.
>. Do I? Do I really?
>. Yes. But honey, that's not gonna last forever, you know? She's gonna grow up, she's gonna fall in love. For real.
>. No, not with that kid yo-yo, she's not.
>. Okay. Well, you know, if it's any consolation, you'll always be the most important man in my life.
>. Really?
>. Mm-hmm.
…………………………………….
>. How do you like your dogs…medium, well done, or burnt to a crisp? Uh-oh, we got a problem there?
>. It's stuck.
>. Well, why'd you put your thumb in the can?
>. I don't know.
>. Mm-hmm. All right, well, let me take a gander here.
>. Ow.
>. Oh, sorry. Wow, that's really in there, isn't it? Okay. Hey, I know just the thing. Not to worry, follow me. One, two, three!
>. Ow, it stings!
>. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Um, okay, we got a little blood here. Um, nothing to be concerned about.
>. I can't feel my thumb.
>. Are you serious? Okay, um. Okay, um…
…………………………………
>. [laughing] Oh, I am so ready for this.
>. Joel!
>. Keep walking…keep…keep…
>. Joelski! Hi.
>. Raquel.
>. Of all the jin joints in all the world. Hi.
>. Hi.
>. Hi, girl.
>. Hey, Douglas, good to see you.
>. Harmony, hi.
>. Hi.
>. And this is Douglas, my husband.
>. Come, sit, join us.
>. Oh, thank you, um…
>. That's really sweet, but we're actually on, uh, date night.
>. So are we.
>. I…I work so much, I can't stand to leave Harmony alone with a babysitter.
>. Oh, sure, sure. That's commendable.
>. Right.
>. We're actually…you guys enjoy, all three of you and we'll, uh, we'll see you later.
>. Nice meeting you.
>. Enjoy. Bye.
>. What are the odds?
…………………………………….
>. Ow…
>. All right. Hang in there, buddy. You're doing great. Pick up. Pick up.
>. Ow.
……………………………………
>. [laughing]
[phone ringing]
>. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
>. Come on. That's all right. Plan B.
>. I'm sorry.
>. Oh, buddy, it's…it's not your fault. Come on! Okay.
……………………………………..
>. [sneezing]
>. Oh, hi. Sorry, you scared me. Don't worry, it's my sister's house. And I'm…we're playing a game. Okay, have a good night.
>. Can you do it like that?
>. Of course.
[cell phone ringing]
>. Hi.
…………………………………
>. Come on. Pick up. Don't let me down.
…………………………………
>. No, but not Doug, not Dougie, Douglas?
>. He's a semiotics professor.
>. Okay, well…she's eating bouillabaisse, Joel. what kind of kid eats bouillabaisse?
>. Oh, man, you are so bad.
>. But, I mean, Sydney won't even eat my mac and cheese. Crosby? What hospital?
…………………………………..
>. Date of birth?
>. Um, uh, five. He's five.
>. Address?
>. Mine or…
>. His.
>. Um, yeah. It's…it's complicated, so…
>. Hey.
>. Oh, thank god.
>. Who's this?
>. This is Jabbar. My son.
……………………………………
>. Hi.
>. Hi.
>. You forgot your, uh, biology text book.
>. Oh.
>. So…well, I figured you might need it.
>. Wow, that's so considerate of you. Thanks. Hey, you know what's funny? For a second, I thought maybe you were checking up on me. Maybe afraid that I was gonna raid the liquor cabinet.
>. You have no proof of that.
>. You lied to aunt Julia. You said that I was upset because I couldn't babysit.
>. Yeah, 'cause I know you wanted the money.
>. Really? Really? It had nothing to do with you trying to prove yourself to aunt Julia?
>. What?
>. Okay, that's enough. Just don't use me next time, okay?
>. I'm sorry. Yeah, she just makes me feel a little insecure.
>. A little?
>. Yeah. A little, like, you know, I'm the world's worst mother and a complete failure at life. Like that kind of little.
>. Hey, Sydney. Do you wanna show aunt Sarah what we've been working on?
>. Okay.
>. Check it out. Do you remember when we were living in that crappy motel. After you split up with dad, and we had no money and no toys, no nothing?
>. No.
>. Okay, well, I did.
>. Here.
>. You made paper turtles.
>. Amber taught me.
>. You know who taught Amber how to do this?
>. She told me you did.
>. That's right.
>. How about I make us some drinks? They got a rally nice selection over there.
………………………………….
>. See this? This is slither cream. Anything that's stuck gets unstuck. All right, there we go. All you have to do is close your eyes. All right, take a deep breath and say the magic words. Slippery, slither, slime.
Both>. Slippery, slither, slime.
>. Oh, presto!
>. Oh, you got it!
>. It worked!
>. Come on!
>. It really worked!
……………………………………..
>. Hey.
>. Mm-hmm.
>. Do you think mailing Haddie's window shut was going too far?
>. Please tell me you were not thinking about that earlier.
>. No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
>. Adam.
>. It just occurred to me. Really.
>. Uh-huh.
>. Really.
………………………………………..
>. He's sleeping. So…are you sure he's yours?
>. Why, 'cause he stuck his finger in a can?
>. Because if he is, you have obligations. Legal obligations. Financial obligations. Have you thought about that?
>. You were really great back there in the E.R.
>. Cros, this can be a big deal, okay?
>. I'm not kidding. You're an amazing mom.
>. I am?
>. Yeah. Like, 100%.
>. Thanks. Thanks for calling me. I would have thought you would've called Adam or Sarah first.
>. Aw, those deadbeats? I mean, come on.
………………………………………
>. ♪ A mother can give you her breast ♪ but soon that's all she'll bring ♪ and when she's left ♪ that's when you learn to sing ♪ A father can give you his words ♪
………………………………………
>. When my father found out that I was dating, he nearly had a heart attack. I mean…
>. How old were you?
>. Oh, 16. Trevor Dunn. He wore a puka shell necklace. He was real tan.
>. Okay, um, did your dad nail your windows shut?
>. Honey, my dad was nothing like yours. Trust me.
>. The point is, is when it comes dads and their daughters dating, it's…it's, like, it's primordial. It's like that lizard part of their brain kicks in and they just…
>. Okay, so basically, dad can't help himself?
>. Right. Yeah. Just like you can't.
>. So dad's just gonna hate Steve no matter how awesome he is?
>. No, no, I didn't say that. I think that he'll come around eventually if he's as awesome as you say he is.
>. He is.
>. He is. All right. You have to promise me though, no more sneaking around.
>. Okay. I'm sorry. How mad is dad?
>. You know, honey, I think he's…I think he's more scared than anything.
>. Of what?
>. Of losing you.
♪ And I want to believe ♪ I know how to believe ♪
…………………………………….
[shower running]
>. Hey, Drew.
>. What?
>. Coming in.
>. Hey, no, no, no! I'm still in here.
>. So, kiddo, we need to talk about some water conservation.
>. What? Now? I don't…
>. Well, you know, your uncles have the same problem. Adam was the worst. I think he was gonna set some kind of record. I almost called Guinness.
>. Can we just…not right now?
>. When it comes to testosterone, the Braverman men are blessed with an abundance of riches, son.
>. Granpa.
>. Pride! Pride and glory is what you should be feeling, son, at the bounty of the Braverman libido. You know what libido is?
>. Oh, my god, please, not right now.
>. But even a Braverman…nay, especially a Braverman needs to learn to control these gifts. What I'm talking about here is moderation. I mean, golly sakes, you know, I remember shat it was like. I was on R&R in Bangkok, you know? And, of course, I went a little nuts…
………………………………..
>. Hey.
>. Hey.
>. How'd it go?
>. I rocked it.
>. Oh, good.
>. I couldn't have done it with out you.
>. Oh, well, I'm glad you kicked ass.
>. How did everything go here?
>. He's still sleeping.
>. Okay. What happen to his thumb?
>. It was a fishing accident.
………………………………….
>. Am I still your favorite man in the world?
>. Mm-hmm.
>. Hmm?
>. I gotta get the salad done though, babe. I promised your mom.
>. Really? 'Cause I'm still feeling kinda sad.
>. Okay, stop it.
>. All right. Any news on the yo-yo front?
>. I wanna show you something. Come here.
……………
>. How long have they been like that?
>. About an hour.
♪ I had a dream last night ♪ I dreamt that I was swimming ♪ and the stars up above ♪ directionless and drifting ♪
>. Hey.
♪ somewhere in the dark ♪ were the sirens and the thunder ♪
>. Don't worry. I'm not gonna say anything about anything.
>. You promise?
>. Yeah. Hey.
♪ time, love ♪
>. Oh!
>. Aww…all right, I'll take it up. I'll take it up. I'll take it up.
>. All right. Put it up!
……………….
>. I don't think we made enough sauce.
………………
>. Oh!
>. Oh! Are you kidding me?
>. Yes!
……………….
>. Hey, you said I shouldn't talk to him, right?
♪ and though it was salt water ♪ there was something 'bout the way ♪ it tasted so familiar ♪
>. What can I say? You're the man, dad.
>. Uh-huh. I'm sorry, what? Hey, Syd! Sydney, look at this!
>. Wow, do it again, grandpa.
>. Okay.
>. Hey, hey, hey!
♪ the black clouds I'm hanging ♪ this anchor I'm dragging ♪ the sails of memory ♪ rip open in silence ♪we cut through the lowlands ♪ all hands through the saltlands ♪ the white caps are memories ♪ confusing and violent ♪ ♪♪♪ I had a dream last night ♪ when I opened my eyes ♪
>. Daddy, this is Steve.
♪ were shorelines in the moonlight ♪ new worlds for the weary ♪ new lands for the living ♪ I could make it if I tried ♪ I close my eyes I kept on swimming ♪
>. Mr. Braverman, it's, uh, it's really good to meet you, sir.
♪ it's only a change of time, love ♪
>. Whassup.
♪ time, love ♪ it's only a change of time, love ♪ time, love ♪ it's only a change of time ♪
